|When you reach for a weapon, make it Heinz.|
An 75 year-old Idaho woman is facing jail time for repeatedly dumping condiments into the public library's book drop, allegedly, this article from The Economist repor- Stop. You had me at "repeatedly."
The inappropriately named Joy Cassidy allegedly did this 10 times over the past two years. Her reason? She had some "conflicts... with library patrons and staff." I can see being pissed about a fine, rolling through the book drop and shoving the first thing you see into the book drop. I myself have found some odd stuff in that box o' love, most of which I take as crimes of passion. But repeatedly dumping "ketchup, maple syrup and mayonnaise"? That is the act of someone with too much time on their hands after grocery shopping.
I can see Cassidy pimping up to the 'drop in her 1983 Oldsmobile, her friend Flo "Sundance" Smithderson at the wheel. Cassidy leans out, two squeeze bottles of Heinz 57 in her hands. A splash of red in the noon sunlight across a library sign. Onward to Bolivia, you crazy bitches!