"So Dave wants to have the ceremony on Friday here? In the library?" Betty said.
"Yeah," I said, "Said it was
's idea. The place they got together and all that."
"That's romantic. I never knew Dave had it in him. I guess you never can tell."
"Yeah, books and covers and all that. We're required to be there, too. Mom's calling it a 'staff development day' and closing us down."
"Why? I mean I would come anyway, but it seems odd..."
"Gets us around everyone in the community wanting to get married here on the cheap. Dave's supposed to be giving us a talk on internet safety as an IT expert."
Betty shook her head, "Your mama thinks of everything."
I smiled and looked out the windows, “Oh, no.”
Betty craned her head up to see what I was looking at. She slumped back down.
“This day was going so well,” she said.
Like every library, problem patrons exist at the Banned Library, too. The garden variety complainers weave their way through our day, making themselves known with every raised hand and eyebrow that the book they want is out or our supply of toilet paper is low. Their cousins, the Internet Tw@s, tisk tisk over every forgotten password or slow loading webpage, no matter if library staff can help them. Nothing compares to the Campbell twins, though.
They are not really twins, not in the classical sense. Barry and Garry Campbell were born two years apart, each the day before Halloween. They both work at Bannville Lumber, doing both shop work and various lumber related tasks. The Campbells also wear matching haircuts, unkept beards, and coveralls all of which is coated with the funk of never been washed.
Barry and Garry can be differentiated, in easy ways. Barry is dirty blonde while Garry had jet black hair. Barry likes the fiction section more than his brother, who is often found in biographies or the cooking section. Barry is more in tune to cooking, while Garry prefers to garden. I have even heard that Barry has many romance novels published under a pseudonym while everyone in town knows about Garry’s interactive Christmas/New Years light show extravaganza.
I want to say this: I like these guys. I really, really do. Down deep they are gentle giants, wanting nothing more than to fill their slow lives with entertainment. Their reading appetite is enormous... much like their appetite for almost everything. They are very intelligent, but they tend to hide that behind boorish activity and a propensity for violence.
I have called the police twenty-seven times on Barry and Garry on everything from fighting to jumping out a window. Neither I nor my mother ever had the heart to ban them, however. They have never thrown the first punch, they always go peacefully with the officers, and they pay for anything that has been broken. They do not mean ill. Ill just follows them like a rabid dog.
So when I saw the old yellow pick up truck pull into the parking space this morning, I knew this week was off to a fine start.
Barry opened the door to the building, raised a hand to me and said with a huge grin on his face, “Hey Evan, Garry’s got a date. Where’s the books on fuckin’?”
I doubted that particular subject is in Library of Congress Subject Headings.
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