So your library’s decided to get a tornado?! How exciting! Now, before you tear the bubblewrap off that sumbitch and take it for a test drive, let us go over a few things you should know.
Why do we need to go over these steps? A tornado is not like other library supplies lying around, it’s a wild force of nature that will destroy everything in its path, much like a three year old. If you prepare before you get it, know what to do when you have it, and do proper clean up when its gone, your tornado can work for you.
Let’s get started.
If this is your first tornado or your thirty-first tornado, you need to be prepared before it comes in airmail and blows your shit up. And by shit, we mean inbox because you are going to be getting messages, people!
1. Set up a communication network
Nobody wants to be left out of the latest tornado information, so you want to set up a phone tree. One person, probably the director, should make all the decisions and pass those down to two or three people, probably the department heads. Those two or three pass them along to their staff and below. The person at the top should also be the designated contact for emergency personnel, power, etc. so they can pass down the best information. Especially information about closing once that tornado leaves you a wreck, huh?
2. Set up a secondary gossip network
Nobody wants to be left out of the latest tornado gossip, so set up a secondary phone tree for all the catty ladies that know everyone’s business. That way, they can cross-pollinate the real information with what they have heard might happen or what they pull out of their ass based on what happened to their grandpappy. You do not want your workers getting complacent, and a good gossip network can contact not only other library personnel, but patrons outside the library. That way the library director can understand how much public interest there is from the community when he/she gets thousands of calls about what the library might be doing because that’s what’s they had done heard from so and so.
3. Buy flashlights or whatever.
The above is good and well if you are not in the library when the hellish wind tunnel of damnation is unleashed on your unsuspecting library, but what if you are in it? Well, you want to have a tornado preparedness kit. In that kit should be one or more of the following items:
- An aluminum can with the label removed
- Book glue
- Book tape
- A city map
- A copy of “What to Expect When You're Expecting a Tornado”
- A copy of the soundtrack to the major motion picture “Twister”
- Toilet Paper
- A Nintendo DS stylus
- Sound reducing headphones
Once you have made your preparedness kit, place it somewhere no one would ever think to look for it. One library we did not talk to hid their kit inside the cushion of one of the chairs. They just cut a hole in the bastard and shoved all the supplies in there. Think about where you will hid yours when the time to try out your tornado comes.
4. Tornado Drill
The last key to preparing for a tornado is knowing what to do when it comes. You will want to buy your library a really loud siren, or have someone on staff that can imitate a really loud siren. Set a time each quarter of the year when you will test this system and what to do when it goes off. This is called a “tornado drill.” We will go more indepth with the tornado drill tomorrow, but what you need to know on the surface is that it will save your life and the life of everyone you hold dear. So do it at least once every three months.
That concludes what to do to prepare for your library’s tornado. As said above, tomorrow we will discuss what to do to further prepare for a tornado with the Tornado Drill.
We hope everyone that is affected by tornadoes is safe and sound.