Job Descriptions' Description
A job description shall be updated whenever. Like, I dunno, somebody gets canned for throwing the salami into the cleaning staff. Yeah, that would be a great reason to update a job description, wouldn’t it ROGER?!
A job description shall include the following: title, status, description of duties, salary, supervisory responsibilities, vague references to religion, amount of nudity required, special “skills,” allergy warnings, benefits, oven mitts, taco shits, “special” skills, time of appointment, amount of tickle in applicant’s pickle, and other comments. Every sentence in the description must also end with the phrase “and other duties as called upon” or some other vague phrase that can make the new hire do anything random in the future.
Once everything has been agreed upon and the person has been hired, the Library Director, the new hire and the new hire’s immediate supervisor (unless that supervisor is the Library Director) all must sign the Job Description. The Job Description with the signatures will then be kept in the personnel file of the new hire just in case he or she forgets their place and is all “I didn’t get hired as a reference librarian to run illegal chicken fights.” Then anyone with access to the personnel files can be all, “I guess you didn’t read the part where we were all vague about shit now get to work and remember that Senor Bok-bok don’t like the yellow feed.”
Timesheets and Pay Periods
Timesheets are to be turned in to the Library Director. Timesheets are due in on the last Friday of the month, unless that Friday is a holiday then on the last working day of the month. The timesheet can be accessed from your immediate supervisor or you can simply answer the following questions on a sheet of paper:
Were you here everyday? What about every other day? What’s your schedule?
Were you sick? What about the 5th? Were you sick on the 5th?
Did you take any personal time? How much? When? Who were you with? Can they account for every action you took that day?
Who is your daddy and what does he do?
What’s your name?
Do you even work here?
Do you have a doctor’s excuse for when you were sick on the 5th? Answer truthfully.
Have your immediate supervisor sign your timesheet before it is given to the Library Director or the Library Director will shred the document and forget who you are.
Paychecks will be released on the last working day of the month, unless the last working day of the month is a holiday, then pay checks will be released before then.