In a brash and startling act of dissension, the local chapter of the Whitewater Girl Scouts unveiled their Little Free Library, clearly the first act in a larger plan to usurp control of books and information from the public library.
Hiding themselves under the spirit of literacy, planning the horrific unveiling of this one story demon box in conjunction with The Big Read and Banned Books Week, the Girl Scouts unveiling this "Little Free Library" undermines the vision of the other, bigger, public library. By forcing their literature down the throats of anyone who chooses to participate in the project on the grounds of "cuteness," the Girl Scouts can then begin brain washing the populous.
As we all know, the first step of the Girl Scouts plan for world domination started with cookies, sweet, delicious cookies sold around the world that allegedly have neurotoxins in them that make you not only want more, but look forward talking to your coworkers with children. "What's the new cookie this year?" you ask as Tina from circulation shows yet another Youtube video of her six-year-old learning the tuba. The plan is diabolical and ingenious.
The questions remain: will the literature spread by these three foot, green clad cookie whores be a message of hope or doom? Will we spend our lives waiting for a thinner mint? What the fuck is a "Samoa?" We may never know.