The folks at the Ray County Public Library, the most horror movie-like titled library, have begin a program where you can check out a librarian. They claim this is just a reservation of a librarian's time for specialized attention, but we all know what this really means: take home brain whores.
Librarians have often been the people the community has leeched knowledge from, trapped inside the brothel of knowledge that is the library. Come on in, big brains, try out a book for a week or two. Spill something on it, don't worry, we can always find another copy. From the ancient days of the westerns to present day, the librarian has been used and abused, but at least the librarians had a place to call home, a place where they knew they could be among like minded folk and protected.
NO MORE! The librarian is being tricked out, sold like a common "M" edition of the now dead Britannica, may she rest in peace. The librarian can be checked out and taken home to use and abuse as the patrons see fit. Homework trouble? Take a reference librarian home and she'll help you write that paper all night long. Kids will not sleep? A children's librarian can read all the stories until they pass out. Your bookshelves kinda out of order or something? Catalog librarian can help you out. Have an grant that you just can not seem to write? That's why you can have a library director at your beck and call, administering your house hold while you do nothing.
Stand up for yourselves, librarians! Do not allow the masses to take you home like a common book, to treat you like garbage and dump you out in a big box in the morning. This is the beginning of the end if you do not watch out.