Not a lot happened today. Course, not a lot happened yesterday or the day before, but I still managed to jot some thoughts down before I stared at the ceiling for a half hour, got up and did nothing productive whatsoever.
That’s the feeling that everything is behind this wall of sound that you just cannot make it through, that cloud of tired restlessness that you know would go away if your brain would just stop...
My insomnia is all about the brain struggling to keep going. I'm the kid that hung out at his parent's party, head drifting but not going to bed in case I miss anything. My brain is that child. Yeah, I see the symbolism, too.
There’s ways to stop it, you know. I did it for years with booze. Only booze did not work. I mean, it worked. I would drop like a rock after number 12 or 18 or however many and down I went, the spiral ever widening as I looked downward, seeing myself bloated and corpse like on a couch with a bunch of cheese crisp things and a beer trying to beat that level of that game while that movie played in the background. Spending money and pretending to be happy because that is what you do when you are not happy. You pretend you are.
This got away from insomnia as a topic, but nothing else worked at getting to sleep like lying to myself with booze.
“If you have to say that you are something, you are not that.” I do not know who said that originally, the OG quote box. Maybe nobody, I have heard it from many sources. Seems lately I have been noticing people saying a lot of what they are... looking back to times when I did that or someone else did that and seeing the lies and the desperation beneath them to be wanted or superior.
I knew someone for a while, her main expression was “I was just telling the truth.” Again, like the above, if you have to defend telling the truth then you are telling the truth wrong. You are being an asshole. A time and a place and all that. Stop it and think about how your words affect other people.
Or dump it all out on a late night confessional blog because your friends look at you crazy when you start ranting at them.
Read an Avengers run that disappointed. It's from last year where they fought the X-Men. It was full of crossover, half stories that I did not care to follow and the art was just horrible and blatant and boring. The characters faces looked like everyone was being paddled and overt attention was paid to all the female characters anatomy. At this point, I think the only reason Bendis keeps writing Spider-woman is so every artist at Marvel can draw her ass.
New episode of Harmontown that is great. A Father’s Day ep that made the room all dusty and featured a special appearance by Dungeon Master Spencer’s father. Fun listen.
Okay, that’s it for today. Thanks for sticking around and not being all “wow, he’s gone crazy.” Even if you did, I still like you.