While F*&k Fines week has been a rousing success, it seems some patrons have taken to handing out a little more than the library can deal with.
Guys, we are gonna have to stop taking in adorable kittens in exchange for lessening your fines.
I know, ridiculous, but we just have no other place to put them!
The library has contacted all the local humane organizations and sanity-deprived female feline collection agents and we still have a ton left over. They are coming out of the walls!
If you think your library has not done enough, please let me outline all the jobs we have given to our little feline friends:
- elderly footrests
- cuddle pals
- story time representatives
- diorama reenactment artists
- coffee testers
- shelf levelers
- formal dining consultants
- collection development aides
- vendor distractors
- tote bag coordinators
The list goes on and on and yet we still have kittens left over without jobs.
We appreciate all our patrons efforts to find work for kittens while also bringing down your fines, but we just can not handle any more. We know you understand.
We are still collecting food for our transient population, although down at the food bank they have let us know they are all full up on canned yams, so knock it off with the sweet potatoes, guys.