“You must have heard every question imaginable,” was said to me. Not all of them, no. I am still waiting on someone to ask me for large print audio books. Once that purple unicorn graces my library door, I am putting on my hat and jacket and leaving for the far off lands of New Zealand where my dreams of watching sheep graze will become reality.
Or I will just twitter my disbelief and move on. Who can tell what lies in the heart of a snarky librarian?
Do you know what does not live in the heart of a snarky librarian? What patrons do in public.
I have seen every type of random thing people do at home done right in front of me. Sweet things like a teenage girl smile at the boy she likes and he looks away because as a guy who is not a jerk and is in a library he does not know how to handle that kind of social interaction.
Weird things like the lady with what I can only describe as a “purse bra.” Damn thing even contained change that she used to pay her fines.
I have seen men and women scratch themselves in places no one should remember they have in polite society.
And yet folks exist out there that believe I am after their passwords. Madam, if I was after your password, I would look at one of your many tattoos and guess which one it is.
They think I watch as they sit online and do their online things, catching all their passwords in some kind of weird library net like a captcha-induced pokemon.
I do not have that kind of time, people. I just barely have enough time to get to the bottle of Lysol under the reference desk to spray that keyboard down after you leave.
I often attempt to guess the passwords of people by how they act in public. I have compiled a small list:
- ********** (that one’s just a bunch of asterisks)
What I am trying to say is, be aware of your surroundings and who you are suspicious of. Most people, the wide majority in fact, do not give two shits about your life. They do not want your password, your username, your social security number, or you to pick your nose while trying to figure out if that captcha says a “B” or an “8.” They just want to remember their password, username, social security number, and to pick your nose while trying to figure out if that captcha says a “B” or and “8.”
So please remember that the librarian is there to help you, not to steal your info, but he does not just vanish when you turn your back. He sees you. Its his job to. And sometimes you gross/freak him out.