The tale was told of the King and Queen who doomed their seven children to insanity, depravity, death and a couple long-ass bedtimes, all in the name of power and greed and immortality and ice beams and lava breath. And they would have gotten away with it, too, if not for their last son, cursed by his adopted sea hag of a mother to be a frog by day and a boy by night, the boy who watched his twin sister get murdered by bugsharks and klingtopi and before he murdered the old sea hag. Now that frog prince boy is on his way to seek revenge for his hellish existence the only way he knows how: unleashed!
The boy that was a frog hopped his way away from the dead sea hag and soon picked up the trail of the bugsharks and the klingtopi. The Murdering Horror Beasts, a gang of ruthless outlaws, had convened outside the Caves of Dark Gloom and the bugsharks had run off to join them, leaving the klingtopi alone to get laid in the local sex establishment, the Sex Barn.
As night fell, the frog turned back into the boy prince, who quickly stole a knife and went to the Sex Barn. Making friends with the local head sex worker, Aunt Agent Fresco, the boy convinced her to lure the klingtopi into a compromising position, promising that no blood would be spilt in her establishment. As the klingtopi were properly sexed into submission by the superb work of the legion of sex workers, the boy snuck up upon them and murdered the klingtopi by stabbing them repeatedly. Covered in ichor and klingtopi blood, the sex workers complained and Aunt Agent Fresco asked the boy what the hell he thought he was doing. He was ashamed and said he had no idea klingtopi held their blood in their bodies like that. Aunt Agent Fresco, moved by the child’s innocence, allowed him to leave with her best horse and a promise to help him if he had need.
Now with the fastest horse in all the land, which he named Hoofbeat, the boy raced across the desert to the Caves of Dark Gloom to get his revenge on the bugsharks. He arrived just as they and the rest of the Murdering Horror Beasts entered the caves. Chasing them in, he hid in the shadows until he could find a better way to murder them. While he was following them, he forgot about the sun, which was rising, and he turned into a frog.
Which was awesome, because it means the Dwarven Psycho Farmers, also known as the Farmers of the Deep, missed killing him by about fifteen minutes. The Farmers of the Deep swept upon the Murdering Horror Beasts and destroyed most of the gang, bugsharks and all. Feeling robbed of his revenge, the frog boy hopped after the Dwarven Psycho Farmers where he lay eyes on their leader. To his surprise the leader was a man, hunched over from years in the caves. To his supersuprise, the leader was his brother, whom he recognised because he had the right kind of red hair which nobody but the King and Queen had and that the sea hag had mentioned before she got murdered by the frog boy but not real loud.
So the frog boy gets his brother’s attention and they hug and tell their stories. The frog boy told about being a frog and thd dwarf boy told about being a man living with dwarves. Then they decided to kill their parents. The dwarves decided they could go to because the psycho in the deep fields would not be ripe for a month or so, so the frog boy and the dwarf man lead the army into the sunshine.
Along the way they found their brother in a castle and calmed him down and convinced him the forks and the clock and the candelabra were not talking to him.
And then they passed through a jungle and found their feral brother and calmed him down and convinced him that bears and panthers could not talk.
And the brothers four, reunited again for the first time, marched across the land with their dwarven army.
When they reached the city of the King and Queen, they snuck in really quiet through the sewers. Coming up under the castle in the dungeons, they found the glass coffins that held their sisters. They used the axes on the wall clearly marked “break in case of emergency” and freed the princesses, but they did not awaken. Then the beast brother and the feral brother kissed their sisters and grossed out dwarf man and frog boy. The sisters woke with a start and seeing a strange person kissing them, knifed the boys in the heart.
Now they were two brothers and two sisters. They all decided they needed to have names, so they called themselves the Teenage Royal Murder Siblings. Frog boy took the name of Pete because he liked it. Dwarf man took the name Bentback because he was used to it. The oldest sister took the name Shine because of the apple she was given when she fell asleep. The second sister took the name Christina Angelica Formica Opulence because she was kinda like that.
So the Teenage Royal Murder Siblings and their army of the Dwarven Psycho Farmers left the dungeons to confront their parents in the white castle above.To Be Continued...