Ask a Banned Librarian is your virtual reference desk experience with the Banned Library! Each week we gather the most important questions submitted to us and our crack reference team goes at them like rabid badgers looking for a steak in the corn.
Email is available 24/7 for you to ask your most driving questions, as is twitter, Facebook and our very own ask page where you can submit your questions anonymously! We don’t even try to guess your identity for fun, we swear! Okay, Jessie might, but he’s a rascal!
This week’s question comes from @winelibrarian on twitter:
“The period sex. What are your feels?”
The Banned Library has no opinion one way or another. When we asked, our collection of books and databases sat quietly, offering us nothing in return for the love that we give it, the sacrifices we have made to feed the surging majority with information and entertainment. But when our staff polled our patrons we found that 61% were “down to pound,” 28% thought it hurt Jesus, ten percent cried and asked for their mommies, and the remaining one percent spit on the ground and rubbed a hand across our face and said the word “Thinner.”
As we delved into the research, however, we found history had a lot to say about sexual intercourse while a woman is menstruating, but mostly about women bleeding in general. For a while religion was cool with it because peoples is peoples and things happen naturally. Then everybody started sexting medieval style and the church was all “nuh-uh” on all things sexual, including menstruation. Women menstruating could not even go into the church! And that’s just the religions that like the Bible! By extension, sex was off the table, the bed, the floor, the weird ottoman thing and everywhere else people were monkey dancing because it was thought the blood would make the semen impure and cause disabled children. That's crazy and proves that the laundry industry has never ruled the world!
As we moved into the science age, though, researchers got a lot cooler. They were all, “dude, if you prick us, do we not bleed” and stuff. Everybody that heard that was down and realized blood’s only bad if you don’t give it on Friday the 13th, so red sex was back on. Then the Black Plague and the Spanish American War happened and people were like, “was it all the period sex?” and Teddy Roosevelt jumped up on a table and said, “Just put down a towel, an old towel, you bastards,” had sex with a moose, shot it, skinned it, and stuffed the thing right there in the Oval Office while signing papers to create Yellowstone National Park.
So there you have it, do what Roosevelt did.
Before we leave you, our reference staff were able to come up with a small guide to help you out:
Get an old towel, an old mattress, two pillows, three gallons of hot water, a rubber hose, a chair, three tangerines, a copy of season 2 of Blues Clues, three fish tacos, a pint of red hot mustard, yellow dye number five, a Chewbacca mask, a glass of country time lemonade, six billiard balls not in sequence, a hair from film director John Hughes, a football helmet filled with cottage cheese, two tickets to the Rose Bowl, and a piece of sunshine dancing on a baby's forehead.
After you have gathered all those materials, have sex. Just go at it like trained circus seals learning to climb a rope in gym class. As a dozen people are quoted as having once said, “Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.”
Reading Is Fun Da Metal?!
- My Period Blog - Menstruation and Religion
- Ask Men - Have Great Sex While She’s Menstruating
- WikiHow - How to Have Sex During Your Period
So there you have it, another question and another satisfied researcher. If you have questions, check out our email, twitter, Facebook and our very own ask page where you can submit your questions anonymously! We promise to try to get to as many as we can every Thursday!