So I'm planning out my weekend, like you do, setting reminders in Google's new Inbox. In case you don't know what reminders are, they tell you to do shit. Here are some examples:
- Do the laundry/sheets
- Pick up the kids
- Go by Home Depot; shovels
- Call Mom
- Pick up something for dinner at Ralph's
- The Ceremony
- Wash floors/walls/ceiling
- Bury the dead at Home
You get the idea. A todo list. You can even add reminders to emails, like "buy a birthday present for this shithead" when you get one of those e-vite things. Then you can schedule it for a time or location. Very handy and not why I have brought you here today.
See, sometimes when you type things in, you get Google's patented "maybe you meant this, dummy" suggestions. Often, it's simple. "Fight clown" becomes "Fight a clown" for any old clown or "Fight the clown" if you have a specific harlequin motherfucker in mind.
Then Google gets cocky. I don't know where it gets this shit, but it launches into suggestion mode. "Fight clown" might get "fight a circus clown" because you aren't specific about your fool beatings but know there should be a big top involved. Or, in the case of my pictured example at the top, Google starts throwing around formless adjectives.
So I wanted to remind myself to "drink beer" this evening because I'm a cave man who doesn't feel like typing "Remember to go to Steve's house for a rousing game of video and have a few cocktails." Then Google started some shit and I have to wonder where the hell it gets this from.
"Drink my beer." Who needs to be reminded to drink their own goddamn beer? Shit Steve, I was gonna drink yours, but my phone says to drink my own. Oh, we bought a twelve pack to split? Then fuck my phone.
"Drink another beer." What kind of shitty alcoholic forgets to keep drinking? What was I gonna do again? Oh, yeah... keep drinking. Or needs a reminder to? Motherfucker I knew I forgot to due something last night. And when does a beer stop becoming "another beer?" I guess there's not time limit on "another," although it implies immediate sequential order.
So there's that. This is what I think about when there's free time and I can't drink beer.