...and says "I'd like a burger and fries with a chocolate shake" and the librarian says "this is a library" so the patron whispers "I'd like a burger and fries with a chocolate shake."
...and says they want help sending their granddaughter a message on Facebook. The librarian asks them if they also want to send smoke signals or use semaphore.
...and says they lost their library card but really need to use the bathroom. The library says they can use the bathroom and the patron has already peed on the floor.
...and tries to return their books into the donation box.
...and asks for the DVD of whatever book they were assigned.
...and falls over. Because of a heart attack, not because they didn't see the library.
...and says "can you put me up for the night." The librarian says "this is a library" so the patron whispers "you don't have to be a dick about it."
... and looks sad. The librarian says "what's wrong?" The patron says "my husband and I got into a fight and he said he wouldn't talk to me for a month" and the librarian says "well that happens" and the patron says "well now the dog is talking to me and tells me it wants to read James Patterson" and the librarian wonders where all the bats came from. Acid is a hell of a drug.