I remember the day the world changed. March 30, 1999. The day Fabio got hit by a goose.
I was sitting in history class. The teacher was droning on about… Wait, no.
I was drunk on the front steps of the school, telling a the cops they could come at me if they had the balls. Wait, no…
I was jumping creeks in my 1979 Dodge Charger, escaping from the law while delivering shine. Wait, no...
Maybe I have no clear memory of that day. It was probably a mix of the three, me drunk in school writing Dukes of Hazzard fan fiction. Senior year was a good year.
But what I will know is that Fabio, supermodel extrodinaire, was on a roller coaster in Busch Gardens and a goose came at him, bro. Right in the face.
Blood splattered the women that are dressed in Roman togas beside him. How many times has this scene been played out in history?
I cannot say I am a Fabio-Goose scholar. I do not know what went down in their personal familial histories to end in this beak to beak confrontation.
Maybe Fabio's father and the goose's father had strong ties back in the day. Then a business deal gone wrong. A love spurned. Two families at war.
What we do know is what happened March 30, 1999.
Fabio climbs into a roller coaster at Busch Gardens surrounded by women dressed in togas. They look happy. They know nothing.
The coaster acends the first hill and all evidence ceases. Was it goose sabatage? We only know the aftermath, when the cameras come back on.
The coaster comes to a stop. The toga women are giggling, one asking Fabio if his is all right and mimicing the way the goose attacked.
Fabio's face smeared with blood. His or the goose's? We may never know. We only know the battle that day was Fabio's. All hail.