24. Dark Tower (2017) Movie Review: A Boring Remake of the Last Action Hero

by Banned Library in

When you look into a bad movie based on reviews or comments, you expect a certain amount of fun. The worst thing a movie can be is dull. Dark Tower had a case made for it that while bad, at least it was fun to watch. That's not true.

    So there's this kid and he's got psychic powers, so this man in black is after him to use his powers to break a tower that holds up the worlds. But hold on, cause there's this black man with a gun who's gonna save the kid and the day. And damn I wish I could blame racism on why this movie wasn't successful.

    On the surface, this movie plays like the Schwarzenegger classic Last Action Hero. A young boy is pulled into a magical world wherein a guy with big ass guns becomes a mentor only to come back to our world and have his ass handed to him. Except, this movie ain't the best version of that despite the cast.

    Let's get the cast out of the way: Idris Elba is awesome, will always be awesome, and if I say any different my lady friend will hurt me in my sleep and my DVDs of the Wire will melt. Matthew Mcconaughey does what he does, sort of. People on the bad movie podcasts say he's the reason to watch the movie, but it's not like he's channeling the joker. Go watch True Detective or Mud for his best. The kid is the kid and does pretty good. Everybody else, well, I forgot about them.

    If you're a fan of the book series, man, you know you're going to be mad. Watch It (2017) if you need modern Stephen King, although that's trash too for what it did to Bev and Mike (nope, never let go the ball-cutting of the only female and only person of color in an otherwise good movie). Skip this movie. It's just boring.