Review: My Secret Valentine (2018) proves that you can have a romance movie without a story

by Banned Library in


When Hallmark decided to start making movies, they never knew they would reach such middles. Jesus, let's just get into the plot of this moving picture.

    Here's what we got: A lady gets an offer to take over a restaurant so she goes to her family winery to think it over. Her dad announces that he's selling the winery to big company and big company is sending a dude to oversee the sale. Still with me? So while she's down there, she rents out a cabin to some mystery guy who calls himself "Handyman" on the cabin's chalkboard.

    The mystery Handyman is the slick big company dude in a shock that Meg Ryan would have seen coming.

    Everything about this movie is broken. The romance is standard Hallmark. Two pretty people get together after a while. You'll be fine as long as you don't think too hard about that goddamn chalkboard.

    I mean, how do they keep missing each other to write on that damn thing? This isn't Die Hard with Bruce Willis talking to Rickman on a dead terrorist sweater. It's a cabin in the woods.

    Well, now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight I'm so pissed off. Thanks, Hallmark.