Secrets are being spilled, plans are being made, and a lot of people are finding out who they really are in this episode of Game of Thrones. We're kinda all over Westeros with a cursory check in with Dany. For the most part, Tyrion is taking his job seriously while Theon is learning his pirate nature.

    In the capital city, Tyrion is trying to hold the realm and his personal life together as Varys and Cersei spar with him. He tries to defend the Night's Watch, but come'on, dead men rising? We see how Rob's demands are met with the Starks at least getting Ned's bones. Then Tyrion squares off, sending Janos Slynt to the wall and getting hurt by Cersei's accusations that Tyrion killed their mother. Of course, we've got a little bit also with Littlefinger and Ros, a weird little scene that feels like padding where we learn that whores have hearts and Little finger has none.

    A little bit away on Dragonstone, Davos is really trying to show his faith in Stannis. He works with Sallador San and his son on ships and god and reports in on how everything's going off the island. Then Stannis and Melisandre bone down on the big map table because that thing has to have some use.

    Speaking of islands, isn't Theon a royal asshole? We meet him getting into Pyke and having sex with a lady who really wants him to settle down and have some kids already, aka not just sex her on a boat. He gets off the ship expecting crazy cheers but only gets met with a bunch of assholes saying how girly he looks and a woman who is okay with him being super handsy on a horse. He meets with his daddy in front of his badass squid fireplace, has a back and forth about his identity as a ship dude versus a regular dude. Then he learns that chick whose pants he had his hands all in, the one on the horse not the one on the ship, that's his sister Yara, dude! Totally awkward and she's awesome. They're gonna go attack some shit.

    Up north beyond The Wall, Sam meets a pregnant lady named Gilly who's the daughter/wife of Crestor and who wants to be saved and Jon says fuck you. Jon then follows Craster as he goes baby dumping and gets knocked the fuck out. It's pretty slow up north.

    It's also slow across the sea. Dany's chilling in her tent sans Netflix. Then, behold, a horse with a head in a bag. That's about all that happens here.

    The last person to really check in with is Arya as she makes her way north. Some gold cloaks show up and she thinks they want her, but they really want her buddy Gendry. She tells him who she is, that she's totally not a dude, and they talk about their parents.

    Most of this episode is based on identity, either that which is thrust on you or that which you find within yourself. Some really existential shit, huh? Tyrion tries to find a balance between being the monster people think he is with the leader he's trying (and succeeding) to be. Davos shuns the gods but puts his faith in Stannis while Stannis is talked into sex because he wants what he thinks he deserves without working for it. Theon, poor Theon doesn't know who he is so hard that he can't recognize his own family. Arya gets a fill on how important she really is when she finds out people are not looking for her and yet Gendry falls over himself when he discovers her truth. Let's be straight, though, Jon and Dany are just in waiting rooms. It's an exciting time to try and figure out who you are, in the midst of war.

Posted
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesTV Review