Guardians of the Galaxy and Thanos Were the Heart of Avengers: Infinity War

by Banned Library in


Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, and Captain America all got an entry when talking about the two and a half hour Avengers: Infinity War in past blogs. Now I'm gonna zone in on the two areas that, for me, formed what is wrong and right about the movie: Guardians of the Galaxy and Thanos.

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Hulk Proves Avengers: Infinity War is Half an Idea

by Banned Library in


Avengers: Infinity War reviews are fun to write because there's just so much. Over the last few days, I covered that I don't like spoilers, that Iron Man learned that fighting back was useless, and that Thor unlearned everything he had learned from his movies. Now we're gonna get into Bruce Banner and his alter ego Hulk and really learn that this movie is kinda unreviewable.

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Iron Man and Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Had People Keep Showing Up

by Banned Library in


The review so long that I split it up. Here we have an overview of my feelings on spoilers, Spider-Man, and Iron Man’s portion of the film. More to come!

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Rampage (2018) felt too self aware that it was a big animal fight club movie

by Banned Library in


Look, I'm gonna say it so nobody else has to: people like to watch animals fight. Man vs Man is the most common of our movie going experiences, but the wide world out there in real life pits man against beast, chicken versus chicken, dog versus dog, and tortoise versus hare. With Rampage, we see a full acknowledgement of this with The Rock versus Flying Porcupine Wolf, Warthog Alligator, and Big Ape.

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A Quiet Place (2018) makes a loud impression. See what I did? Fun with antonyms

by Banned Library in


I'll admit it, I laughed out loud at the opening to this flick. It's in the trailer, sort of, so spoiler alert or whatever but when that kid got ate I put out a nice loud "ha!" I'm not saying I'm not damaged, I'm just saying that shit was funny after a dozen trailers of build up. It's nice to be surprised once in awhile.

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Death of Stalin (2017) will make you cackle if you have the patience to believe that it will make you cackle

by Banned Library in


Historic dramas have always been money in the bank. Get some well known actor, cover him in old looking stuff, and tell a fake story involving true people. Drama ensues because that's what people make. Get two or more people together and they shit themselves with drama. Historic comedies, though, are super rare because nobody wants to make people important enough to talk about into a bunch of raging assholes, aka real people. Death of Stalin doesn't mind so much.

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Dog Day Afternoon (1975) might be the best non-heist movie of all time

by Banned Library in


A group of criminals with a plan find themselves in problem solving mode when everything goes wrong. That's the definition of most heist movies. The leads are charismatic, the side characters are quirky, and the plot often leads with a slow clap. That's how they did it, you say, and walk from the theater thinking if only you could be that cool. Dog Day Afternoon is what would happen if you actually did try a heist.

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Muppets Most Wanted (2014) goes on a trip and doesn't really go anywhere

by Banned Library in


When the Muppets came back with the big movie that won music awards and had Amy Adams in it, I had a hell of a lot of hope. They were my touchstone from childhood that over the years kinda became that thing I used to like. When Jason Segel and the crew came back, they filled it with heart and joy that I remembered from before Henson left us. Then those creative people left and we got the corporate mandated Muppets Most Wanted.

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The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) really kinda scared me in an old fun way

by Banned Library in


Horror often gets its balls cut off. Many of the entries in the genre are just this side of comedy, relegated even to jokes like the Chuckie scene in Ready Player One. True horror, the existential dread of life, seems to have been pushed aside in favor of jump scares and cheering when teenagers get hacked apart. Few movies contemplate a horror like the Autopsy of Jane Doe.

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The Party (2018) is a quiet little frantic British… don't make me "dramedy"

by Banned Library in


Most stories are about secrets being uncovered. They have an engine, something that drives the story that might be a secret all its own, but at the end of the day audiences are a bunch of nosy bastards who want to know all a character's secrets. Get enough characters together and a lot of hidden blood will be spilt.

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Boyhood (2014) doesn't really get going until it's over

by Banned Library in


There was a point while watching Boyhood when I stopped looking at my watch, but I can't tell you when that was. Clocking in at just over three hours and covering ten years of life, Boyhood works on many levels. That being said, I'll probably never see it again.

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Hurricane Heist (2018) should get its own special Razzie award called "Fuck No It's Not Going to Direct Cable, Big Screen Motherfucker!"

by Banned Library in


We have a lot of fun at the cinema, don't we? Go in there, relax in sorta comfy seats. The lights go low and some actor people put on a show for us. They tell the same stories, again and again, and we react. Then some nutjob comes along once in a blue moon and asks the eternal question: What if you robbed a federal money place during a hurricane?

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Tomb Raider (2018) will make you say "Did she just lose some teeth? She should be spitting molar right now."

by Banned Library in


I remember back in the day watching Angelina Jolie jump around and smirk with a fake accent and big boobs. Sorry. I can't help what I remember. I've moved on and so has Lara Croft. Ever since her new generation video game reboot, the Tomb Raider series has grown up a bit and put protagonist Lara Croft through her paces. The movie is no exception.

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Ready Player One (2018) might win best animated movie next year

by Banned Library in


Little while ago while discussing A Wrinkle in Time, I talked about adapting things. All those expectations to live up to. Of course, I left out one thing: Steven Fucking Spielberg. Dude does not give a shit about your hopes and dreams for the thing you like, he just wants to make a good movie well told. Turns out, he's pretty good at it, too.

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