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How to do Library Curbside During a Pandemic

How to do library curbside service during the coronavirus pandemic with style and safety including tips on barricading and stocking up on supplies.

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PostedOctober 5, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagscurbside, pandmenic, seige, coronavirus
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How to call in sick to the library

In this six part lesson, library administrators will tell you what to do when you feel ill and the sky burns bright with armageddon, but damn it all if Ms. Mabel needs that new James Patterson novel.

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PostedSeptember 25, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesNonfiction
Tagssick, coronavirus
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Librarian Last Victim of the Civil War

"If that thing rolls off the table, we're all dead," the soldier said to the librarians.

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PostedSeptember 18, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
TagsBrenda, Master Sergeant Majors, Civil War
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Evil Smoke from Her Lungs

Everything smells like a barbeque at that uncle's house, the one that also knows exactly how much tannerite costs with tax down at the Guns and Go.

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PostedSeptember 16, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
Tagssmoke, Brenda, Dave II, Jamie
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Other End of the Line

I answered the phone against my will.

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PostedSeptember 11, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
Tagsphone call
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Dammit, Dan Brown, I believed in you

The library sits atop a battleground of old dead things whose bones were covered first by lava, then by sand and water, and finally by a building where people complain about Dan Brown.

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PostedAugust 21, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
TagsDan Brown, Brenda, Freddy the Page
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The Crawling Chaos Visits the Library

Elder being Nyarlethotep came to the library this weekend to see how curbside delivery works.

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PostedAugust 19, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
TagsNyarlethotep, Group of the Black Pharoah, Brenda, The Director
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Get Cooking and Get Out of the Way

People do not know what they need but will scream at you to give them what they want.

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PostedAugust 17, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
Tagscookbooks, cooking
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New Library Program "Redneck Clown Family Invades Your Dreams" Begins Tonight!

A family of redneck clowns will invade your dreams tonight, courtesy of the library, because the pandemic has not caused enough stress.

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PostedAugust 14, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsHendersons, Dave II, dreams
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Murder Hornets Make Nest in Book Drop, Want DVDs

Circulation librarian Brenda discovered this week murder hornets have made a nest in the library book drop and demanded Season 3 of Game of Thrones.

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PostedAugust 12, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagsmurder hornets, book drop, Game of Thrones
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Launching Books: The New Library Service?

One branch library is testing a new "book launcher" to give patrons safe access to library materials.

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PostedAugust 10, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsLibroCannon, Slappy, Brenda, The Director, Maeve Binchy
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Disney Review: Bambi (1942) is the movie Fantasia wanted to be

With a crisp soundtrack, gorgeous visuals, and moving coming of age story, Bambi kicks ass.

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PostedJuly 3, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsDisney, Bambi, 1942, Hardie Albright, Stan Alexander, Bobette Audrey
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13 Notes About Dumbo (1941) That Will Not Make Me Cry

Disney's Dumbo's got big ears and big problems that he overcomes with booze and false hope

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PostedJune 29, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsDumbo, 1941, Disney, Sterling Holloway, Edward Brophy, Herman Bing
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11 Notes about Reluctant Dragon (1941)

A studio tour goes horribly wrong and exposes the weird goings on behind the scenes of the Disney animation… plus there's some cartoons.

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PostedJune 26, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsDisney, Reluctant Dragon, 1941, Robert Benchley, Frances Gifford, Buddy Pepper
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18 Notes about Fantasia (1940) from a Tired Librarian

Fantasia weaves a wonderful dream that might just put you to sleep.

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PostedJune 24, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsFantasia, 1940, Deems Taylor, Leopold Stokowski, Philadelphia Orchestra
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21 Notes about Pinocchio (1940)

We dig into the 80 year old Pinocchio and ask if Geppetto is a bad dad, how the world works, and if the Blue Fairy can get it.

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PostedJune 19, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsDickie Jones, Disney, Pinocchio, Christian Rub, Mel Blanc, 1940
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Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937) is a dying dream

Snow White was killed by the Huntsman and the rest of the movie is a dying dream of hers.

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PostedJune 17, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsSnow White, Disney, Roy Atwell, Stuart Buchanan, Adriana Casselotti
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Extraction (2020) proves the rule that stunt people know how to do stunts.

Double tap and run run run to see this one.

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PostedJune 12, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsSam Hargrave, Joe Russo, Andre Parks, Chris Hemsworth, Bryon Lerum, Ryder Lerum
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Blood Hunters: Rise of the Hybrids (2019) has some pretty asskicking moments

Sometimes you need a nap before you fight not-vampires.

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PostedJune 10, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews
TagsBlood Hunters Last of the Hybrids, Blood Hunters, Vincent Soberano, Sarah Chang, Monsour Del Rosario, 2019
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The library asks that you not come any closer lest we close this mother down.

Library’s closed. Fuck off.

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PostedJune 5, 2020
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction
Tagsclosing, covid, coronavirus
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