Cynical Librarian's Dictionary

Archives (n.) - a place where many librarians belong

Cell phone (n.) - a device that only works when yelled at

Chair (v.) - To position ones self at the head of a meaningless committee

Martha will chair the craft circle committee next year and her position is more crafts.

Computer (n.) - A device that makes fools of us all when we are not paying attention

Donation Box (n.) - A collection of donated items no one wants

Hold (v.) - The process by which a librarian fights with another librarian over the phone for a book neither of them wants

Lost and Found (n.) - A collection of donated items someone may want

Microfilm (n.) - Where newspaper goes to die

Phone (n.) - A device that only works when whispered into very quiet while the other person is in a loud library environment

Reference (n.) - a library service dependent on more questions than answers

Signage (n.) - An invisible creation of information and protection only made visible by a pointed finger