The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Rocks that Fucking Cradle
I wanted to see the remake of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, but decided to rewatch the original 1992 instead to get some context. What have they updated, how are the performances different, all that shit. Oh hell, no, I'm sticking with the original for now. I do not need this beautiful madness tarnished in my brain.
First of all, the original looks like a movie. The past few remakes (Roadhouse, Father of the Bride, Valley Girl, etc.) have felt like either gussied-up Lifetime movies or that streaming content look of vague unreality. Director Curtis Hanson (LA Confidential, 8 Mile, Wonder Boys) and cinematographer Robert Elswit (Many Paul Thomas Anderson…just look at the SOB's credits) were hitting their stride here to make you believe that Rebecca De Fucking Mornay would infiltrate a family with the aim to kill the mom and take over her life.
That's right, Rebecca De Fucking Mornay. I'm not just saying this because I had a giant crush on her due to Risky Business and Three Musketeers, but also because there's just something about a masterfully controlled performance of someone who is bugshit insane. Near the end her character Peyton has damn near killed the two people she wanted out of the way and is taking a walk with the baby. Then in the distance we hear police and ambulance sirens. She turns slightly with a look of both surprise and pure disgust that I audibly said "oh damn" in that voice you get when the Applebees waitress brings out the dessert menu. Amazing, as is the fact that I just learned she dated both Harry Dean Stanton and wrote a song for a kung fu Bruce Lee memorial movie.
Rebecaa De Fucking Mornay might be the reason for the season, but everything around this character makes for a solid thriller. Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters, that Quantum Leap remake)… look, it might not be the best portrayal of a mentally handicapped man, but the shit is sweet. Annabella Sciorra (loved her in What Dreams May Come), Matt McCoy (the "hey it's that guy" from 1 or 2 Police Academy movies, Ice Road), and Madeline Zima (let's be honest I only remember her from Californication and I'm not proud of that and it was a little weird watching her as a kid) play a pleasant little nuclear family beset by the tornado of chaos that is Rebecca De Fuckng Mornay. I was a little shocked to see Julianne Moore (Jurassic Park with stegosaurus and Big Lebowski) pop up smoking her way through to her glassy-stared end and enjoying a bite of scenery or two, but not as shocked as I was when John de Lancie (Q from that Star Trek I didn't watch) took off the glove. Just a good cast to see do crazy shit.
Anyway, this movie is not for everyone. Not shitting on Lifetime domestic horror, but this is the 90s not-so-erotic thriller version of those tales of "women gone crazy" movies. The look and acting really pushes it to be the creepy fun that it is. Overall, I enjoy this kind of well-made trash because I was raised on it. All I needed was an episode of Jerry Springer to come on after while drinking a Jolt cola and playing my Gameboy to be more comfortable.