Before Midnight (2013) finishes off a romance with style and grace and a disappointing time traveler

in

What happens ten years down the line after the romance has faded, the kids are had, and the secret resentments toil and bubble? You can still make each other laugh, you can still work in concert, but that passion and spark is a warm glowing sameness. What's the thing about the frog in the pot? If you turn the water up over time you can boil the creature without a problem? Before Midnight is the conclusion to a romance at its boiling point.

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Locke (2013) is about the best long car ride you'll see if you really like Tom Hardy

in

Secrets. We all got'em. We keep them in, we put them away, we let them die silent deaths one at a time. If they come back, we can attempt to hide them or we can do the right thing. Most movies are about the former, the machinations of characters struggling with themselves and outside forces. Locke is about the latter and all the fallout that happens.

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Hats off to Christmas! (2013) Movie Review and holy shit ahahahahahaa I'm insane

in

Get this shit: Haylie Duff works in a store in a smallish town that sells exclusively Santa hats. The place has a fucking warehouse and everything. She thinks because she worked hard, she's going to get put in charge some day. However, the boss somehow did not jump on the Santa hat boom of the 2000s hard enough so has invited his business Son to run the company.

    You want me to go on? Fucking okay.

    Son gets the job, cause he's a businessman, and Duff has to train him how to run a Santa hat store. Then he starts befriending her son.

    I know.

    Just as we think Son is not a bad, slicked hair business man with a heart of coal, he stands up the kid for the big pumpkin carving contest. Did I mention this kid is in a wheelchair?

    We are told this is a hellish thing, but Son gets another chance to prove to Kid he's worthy to be a… dad? Friend? Duff and Son are not going out or really very romantic until the script says they have to be. Anyway, the last chance is a soap box car race.

    Wheelchair kid in a soapbox car race. I'm done, Hallmark. You win. Way to Photoshop out the cleavage on the poster, btw.