Aquaman (2018) is best with friends and drugs
Did anyone else know Willem Defoe is in this fucker?
Read MoreFreaks is a damn good movie nobody is talking about
What if a man locked a little girl in a house for a good reason?
Read MoreI almost had a great time with Hereditary
The end of a movie is like desert to a dinner. Some of them make you shit the bed.
Read MoreRampage (2018) felt too self aware that it was a big animal fight club movie
Look, I'm gonna say it so nobody else has to: people like to watch animals fight. Man vs Man is the most common of our movie going experiences, but the wide world out there in real life pits man against beast, chicken versus chicken, dog versus dog, and tortoise versus hare. With Rampage, we see a full acknowledgement of this with The Rock versus Flying Porcupine Wolf, Warthog Alligator, and Big Ape.
Read MoreA Quiet Place (2018) makes a loud impression. See what I did? Fun with antonyms
I'll admit it, I laughed out loud at the opening to this flick. It's in the trailer, sort of, so spoiler alert or whatever but when that kid got ate I put out a nice loud "ha!" I'm not saying I'm not damaged, I'm just saying that shit was funny after a dozen trailers of build up. It's nice to be surprised once in awhile.
Read MoreHurricane Heist (2018) should get its own special Razzie award called "Fuck No It's Not Going to Direct Cable, Big Screen Motherfucker!"
We have a lot of fun at the cinema, don't we? Go in there, relax in sorta comfy seats. The lights go low and some actor people put on a show for us. They tell the same stories, again and again, and we react. Then some nutjob comes along once in a blue moon and asks the eternal question: What if you robbed a federal money place during a hurricane?
Read MoreTomb Raider (2018) will make you say "Did she just lose some teeth? She should be spitting molar right now."
I remember back in the day watching Angelina Jolie jump around and smirk with a fake accent and big boobs. Sorry. I can't help what I remember. I've moved on and so has Lara Croft. Ever since her new generation video game reboot, the Tomb Raider series has grown up a bit and put protagonist Lara Croft through her paces. The movie is no exception.
Read MoreReady Player One (2018) might win best animated movie next year
Little while ago while discussing A Wrinkle in Time, I talked about adapting things. All those expectations to live up to. Of course, I left out one thing: Steven Fucking Spielberg. Dude does not give a shit about your hopes and dreams for the thing you like, he just wants to make a good movie well told. Turns out, he's pretty good at it, too.
Read MoreA Wrinkle in Time (2018) made me rage quit my own brain
Filming a book is hard. You have to live up to the reader's expectations (which is impossible), the expectations of the studio (they have a known thing people like so it should do well), and the general expectations of your average Joe who doesn't want to waste ten plus dollars. Of course, the best creative things tell the expectations to go to hell. The newest remake of A Wrinkle in Time is not one of the best creative things.
Read MoreGame Night (2018) made me laugh stupid hard and sometimes that's all you need
People don't have exciting lives. Not most people. They gather, they laugh, they eat, they make little babies to gather, laugh and eat. We tell stories of extraordinary people to feel extraordinary and compete with each other in games so we can get the rush of living. Game Night is about those ordinary people getting to feel extraordinary over one crazy ass night with a postmodern nonsense senseibility.
Read MoreAnnihilation (2018) is a combination of a lot of things that almost work if you think about it
Some movies belong in that fridge category. You watch them and then late at night your tummy is rumbly. You get up and while standing in front of the refrigerator a thought crosses your mind about the movie and you're like "oh, man that's what they meant by that?" Then if you are like me you eat a burrito and go to bed. Annihilation will make you think twice about the burrito.
Read MoreReview: Black Panther (2018) is a standard Marvel movie that's filled with message
Because Marvel! But it's also a super good movie with a complex bit of messages that snore Shit blows up real good.
Read MoreReview: My Secret Valentine (2018) proves that you can have a romance movie without a story
Chalkboard magic gets two people together as well as the sale of a winery and... yeah, it's Hallmark
Read MoreReview: Den of Thieves (2018) is the best movie with super loud gunfire so far this year. So far.
When you need to show some action, do it with lots of running around guns and stuff.
Read More27. Frozen in Love (2018) (TV) Movie Review: I forgot what this movie was about as I wrote this and shame an old friend
Bookstores and hockey have something in common after all. Coffee. That's the only thing.
Read More8. Insidious: The Last Key (2018): I Guess You Could Skip It If I Saw the Others
Horror movie sequels are hard to make. Do you rehash the original or do a new thing? Bring back the old characters or start with new people? Continue the story or just do whatever?
I have no idea what this Insidious: The Last Key did. I never saw the other (three?) movies, so I can't say. But I can say that this one is B-grade horror at its best.
An old lady who can see ghosts gets a job to go back to her old home so she can confront some ghosts of her own. See what we, the movie and I, did there? Because her dad was abusive so she has trauma and that can be seen as metaphorical ghosts and there's real ghosts. It's supes cogent.
The jump scares are few, the jokes are peppered, and nothing really does great. Like, no great was had. Some fine happened. Some okay squeaked in there. They got me on one twist, double downed and kinda wasted it. Then threw in another and I stopped caring.
In this movie, humans are the real monsters. Except when a demon is tricking or manipulating them? The whole thing is just a mess that plods along. I wish I could say it is at least fun, but I checked my phone during this one which is a sin in my world that gets you banned to hell where you watch this movie.
Still, if you can't find anything on streaming one hungover day, yeah, there's better movies.