Weapons (2025)

My dad asked me one time, I was maybe ten or so, why I never ran away? Odd question that time and now I guess. I had no real answer for him. I was young and had nowhere to go.

     Was he looking for independence? Afraid I would never leave? Maybe he was just trying to gauge my interest in the circus and the life they live.

     Later I asked my friend Dave if he ever ran away when he was a kid. We were past college, in that between world of having a degree and earning any substantial money. 

     "Hell yeah," he said. "I ran away a bunch."

     "Did you tell them?" I said.

     "A few times. Once I said I was leaving forever on christmas morning I packed a sandwich and my Nintendo and headed out. It was the Nintendo that made them see me as serious."

     "How old were you?"

     "Six. Seven. Hell, I don't know. Went over to Chase's house cause his parents were divorced and his mom never cared. We beat Zelda that night," he said.

     "Why'd you go home?"

     "Chase had to spend the weekend with his dad. When I got home my mom took the Nintendo for a week, but I found it in her closet next to Dad's playboys."

     I thought of that when I saw Weapons, the movie about seventeen kids who all leave in the middle of the night. The parents lose their shit, going after the teacher because if it's a common event in the middle of a crisis and people will be sure to create a scapegoat.

     The movie plays fast and loose with normal structure, going back in time every half hour or so like a very sad Pulp Fiction mixed with the procedural nature of Longlegs. A few jump scares for the folks in the cheap seats, but even those are well done.

     The teacher is a hard-drinking sexpot, banging the local law enforcement while being harassed by one of the parents. These main characters are the focus of the narrative showing different and equally broken sides of the scenario. Garner holds her own but Brolin gives his standard emotional brooding while Ehrenreich staggers around charismatically while his character's life implodes due to his own dumbassedness.

     Standouts here are the villain and the one child left behind. Madigan nails the creepy old witch and the movie does the right thing by building to her and not disappointing. I was sure this was a Pennywise secret deal for a while until our clownfaced creature did a bit of magic and then threw shit at the fan. The kid actor held his own throughout, almost as a throughline of stability until we learn his secret. Either coaching or raw talent kept that kid as the most depressed Home Alone sequel I have ever seen.

     Near the end everything goes gloriously and comically over the top. I'm still not sure if the whole thing was a cathartic release of if it spoiled the dread-filled and patient story. Hell of a fun movie and well worth the theater experience.