A Minecraft Movie (2025)
I stood atop my house and wondered what other lands there were to conquer. My house was five levels, three above ground and two below. The top level was all glass made for observing the blocky terrain twenty plus blocks below. The next level was a bedroom and hangout pad. The bottom level was full of chests that held materials for crafting. The next two levels underground held my crafting bench, more chests, and weapons. Below that was a MINE and that was why I CRAFTED.
After building all this, I attempted to make a giant castle. After seeing people online making to scale Enterprises and Louvres, I quit Minecraft. That was before the red blocks allowed you to make full on computers. It's just a lot for a guy who grew up with Legos and Lincoln Logs.
What I'm all about here is that my creativity is limited to stories. When playing board games, I have to care about the cardboard or it all seems empty. The appeal of Minecraft as a game was that you could do anything and that kinda made me bored. This was before the story and leveling system was introduced. I have limited idea what a "chicken jockey" is and do not care.
When you take that idea of unlimited exploration without end to a movie, you better have a tight story. The Lego Movie made a template for this, and A Minecraft Movie kinda shits the bed with it.
Our story starts with Jack Black (pre-being a dick to Kyle Gass) being dissatisfied with his job and finding a magical block land before a pig-lady captures him. Fast forward to some kids coming to town and teaming up with Jason Momoa to save the magical land because a square dog tells them to. Also there's a real estate agent who also runs a petty zoo.
The kid invents his way out of troubles while Momoa stumbles his way through it. Black rages his way through production while the real estate agent… Look, this movie made me tired. It's wacky and fun, but there's very little heart to it. Everything it has to say about creativity and going against the grain of society other movies have done way better.
So the story sucks, but the thing looks great. All the effects have that Lego Movie polish to them, as rendered just like in the game with blocks. At some points the textures are creepy blown up all the way to high definition, but they skew closer to cute creepy than "I'll have dreams about that pigman trying to get in my house" creepy. This is as close as you can get to the game without some guy invading your game and making signs that say "this is a penis."
Everyone seems to be having a good time getting paid to say basic nonsense. At least they have a fun thing to show their kids. Momoa as usual is the stand out performer based only on his ability to not give a single fuck about his image.
If you missed this in theaters and find yourself high as hell one night, check it out.