Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale (2025)

I never watched Downton Abbey. Didn't know about the dead Turkish guy, didn't know about the other dead guys, didn't know about the hundreds of weddings and romances and other things going on upstairs or downstairs. I did watch a Youtube recap that was done with the actors, however, but I was not prepared for a season of television to be squashed into a two hour movie.

     This is also the first time I have seen the shortened Nicole Kidman AMC commercial before the movie. Goddamn it felt good to be told in as few sentences as possible how good it feels to do the thing I came there to do in a place like that.

     The meandering plot of the characters goes like this: 1930s England where our play is set. Two groups, both alike in dignity, are politiely and constantly talking about sex and fucking over others. Our upstairs rich people face a changing world where yes, a woman in the divorced way can be a human being and old people can retire and maybe even cook their own food. Downstairs poors find themselves retiring as well, shuffling off to greater small town fairs while remembering the good old days when caring for rich people made them happy. It's all grand, if anyone has the money for it.

     While I have never made a film or a television show, I can tell when a television show writer has to curse themselves for accidentally plotting a television show and decide to film it that way. Much of the plot hurries itself along to conclusions that satisfy character if not narrative. Our only real villain is given a speech before the third act and vanishes completely, much like the editing allows. So many cuts are made throughout one would think only a single camera was on set to capture the whole thing. The camera also had a hard time moving around this motion picture, often swinging wide to capture the grandeur of the house itself. Then it would cut to shots of the house where people talked about personal matters as if the house were looking down at them thinking, "this shit again." On one occasion a cut from one scene at night to another in bright daylight made me think we were being called on by the light of the lord themself but someone just walked to a car.

     Bitchy nitpicking over. I said up top that I have not watched more than a recap of the show, but that did not stop me from enjoying the characters and the damn fine costume and set design. What the plot lacked in stakes it made up for in many lovely encounters between characters and actors that had spent much time together. Everyone played against one another with such comfort and ease that by the end when people were saying goodbye I did get a little choked up from time to time. And my golly, the dresses and suits, especially the Fast and the Furious: 1930s style slow mo walk at the horse track showed off all the costume assets to glorious degree. The people and the place were lived in and real and selling everything I saw. Only a few times did I see a silent child or other character I knew was supposed to be important and thought, that's an important person I should know.

     Downton Abbey fans should rejoice. A finale has come along that will not bore your partner to death as long as they enjoy Game of Thrones level discussions with Miss Rachel level of violence. Get out there to the theater if you are a die hard fan. Everyone else can have a nice watch at home when it comes on streaming.

     Just for me: The hell was that bug-eyed shot of Maggie Smith near the end? I feel like I'm wearing crazy pants that no one is talking about that.