Movie Review: Spider-Man: Brand New Day (2026)
Directed by Destin Daniel Cretton, Starring Tom Holland, Zendaya, Sadie Sink, and Jon Bernthal
It's refreshing to see a beefy man going through puberty on the big screen. I have not seen such a thing since Jeff Goldblum started spitting on his food in The Fly. At least ole Spider-Man has the comforting presence of a soldier with PTSD to help him fight off a teenage telepath and a green hurricane of violence. Truly a brand new day for everyone involved.
We catch up to Peter Parker, AKA Spider-Man, AKA Mopey McScience living in a New York loft larger than any hotel room I have ever had while visiting the city. One can only assume as he fights crime Peter is taking all the drug and violence money off the criminals to fund his lifestyle of 3D printing and genetic manipulation. The whole world forgot him because of a wizard, so he doomscrolls his ex's social media feed and talks to the police as if he is about to start his own compound in Idaho named "Spider's Men."
Enter a body-swapping menace and young adult metaphors. After saving the city from an old lady in a tank and stalking his former friends, Peter wakes up hanging from some webs in his underwear. Honestly, along with another scene or two, this movie may have been made to get Tom Holland bare-ass as many times as the producers could. And good job, cause he's a solid mass in this movie. Easily the most brick-shithouse the normally lithe and agile Spider-Man has ever been. No wonder he needs to stretch.
My brain wanted to love and hate the villain at the same time. Body swapping? Hell yeah, the threat could come from anywhere. But there was no personality in the switches. Take a look at the Denzel movie Fallen. In there, the body swapping villain is cocky and menacing while singing the Stone's "Time is on My Side." There's a personality. Here, the personality comes only when Sadie Sink is revealed. She rocks the part, bringing a sad pathos and general menace that was needed, but I never felt that when it was not Sadie Sink. All that came through, especially with the MJ talk and kiss, was teenage cruelty. I hope they keep some of that when they bring her in for the next movie but give more direction to the body-swapped actors than "be more teenagery."
Punisher and Hulk are solid here. The actors know their roles and everyone is firing on all cylinders. It's nice to see the Punisher have to behave somewhat more… Well, optimistic is a strong word. Less nihilistic superheroes. I would have liked to see some Daredevil to round out the "justice vs vigilante" debate, but that's been done so I get it.
Overall a good time. Check it out when it comes to the library unless Sony/Disney stop all print media then I guess we'll go back to being internet pirates.
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