The Worst Library on the Internet
The Worst Library on the Internet
Why does Batman keep a secret identity? Sure, stocks at Wayne Enterprises might go down if everyone found out Bruce Wayne was beating up poor people every night. Imagine the social media uproar.
Read MoreI whine about how secret identities are not really a thing unless you consider the ones you do everyday.
Read MoreThe bookmobile shuttered to a stop. The grinding of the parking brake settled the large lumbering vehicle like an elephant stopping from a run to get a drink. The body shook as someone moved within.
Read MoreWho's got three thumbs and likes to beat criminals senseless? What has three city officials killed, a mobster put to his crimes, and a masked maniac who loves another masked maniac? If you said Batman to either of those, then you saw Matt Reeves's The Batman and also The Dark Knight.
Read MoreStudio 666, the new horror film starring the Foo Fighters is a little creepy, kinda funny, and full of "Who let these maniacs into the theater?"
Read MoreCyrano, starring Peter Dinklage and some other people, is a musical, something I do not think the advertising liked to talk about to the point where some guy in the back row said, "The fuck" when the singing started.
Read MoreThe library asks that you not go into the study room alone unless you want to stay that way.
Read MoreMr Jacobs's bright orange hair cleared the reference desk. It stuck out in spikes, three inch tubes that tapered to fine waxed points here and there. The face paint smeared itself on the mask just under his big red nose.
Read MoreIf you see one movie about the moon trying to kill everyone on Earth, then maybe try out Moonfall, Roland Emerich's latest beefy fuck you to all science and human emotion everywhere.
Read MoreThe baying of hounds began the hunt. They howled and raged and pulled at their leashes. Behind them a large man in a fur cloak filled the library door. He snapped the heavy leather that wrapped around their necks.
"Hunt, my hounds," he said in a deep bass that rattled the metal shelving.
Read MoreThe sound came from the nonfiction stacks. A lovely sound, low and feminine. The kind of sound that starts in the chest and rises not to escape the throat, but to leave it wanting.
It had been a long day. The reference librarian had been yelled at over masks, over food, and over noise. He was over confronting patrons.
Read More"No, that's not true. That can't be true!" a patron screamed from the reference section.
The reference librarian walked to the reference desk, no hurry, and picked up the phone.
"You calling the police?" the circulation librarian asked.
"Naw, gotta call the Family," the reference librarian said.
Read More"If that's true, I'll cut you," the reference librarian said holding her best knife in one hand and an axe in the other.
The director nodded, saying, "Yeah, it looks like it might be the case."
"But we need pages," the reference librarian said.
"Not as much as we need computers. Or books."
Read MoreOne morning the reference librarian found a body by the book drop. Older gentleman slumped over like he got real tired after a marathon and just crumpled. Sometimes running a long life can do that.
The paramedics took him away on a stretcher. The children's librarian thought she would get to see one of those black bags, but they just loaded him up and slipped a white sheet over his pale form. Later we found out it was a heart attack.
Read MoreWe never noticed the art in the library. All those paintings and little sculptures that seemed to come with the walls. The faces blended in the best.
Read MoreThe library shelving robot was drunk. Or whatever you would call a robot swerving around the library throwing books at patrons.
Read More
The second episode of this Captain America spin-off gives us everything we wanted. More information on everyone including the new Captain, the Flag Smashers, old super soldiers, and Bucky and Sam's relationship. What we didn't know, but hoped, we might get is some serious social commentary. While soft with the commentary, the episode still brought up some serious race relations as they relate to America's historical experimentation on black people and policing. The witty banter and action scenes are a great spoonful of sugar that allows the Disney overlords to not question the medicine this show is capable of making the audience swallow. It's not the Watchman show, but it does have its heart in the right place.
Interesting open with our new Captain John Walker back at his old high school. We get who I can only assume is his wife (or a dear old friend) giving him a pep talk. Then we get his partner, Hoskins, who I will not call Battlestar. To be honest, I really liked seeing the doubt in Walker as well as surrounding him with people of color. We see that he's a competent soldier who people like thrown into the propaganda machine like Steve Rogers was, but there's still that line Hoskins says that makes me wonder. "You can't punch your way out of this one." Seems Walker goes to violence as a solution rather than a last resort, although Rogers tried to fight a guy for talking in a movie BEFORE he became a super soldier, so whatever.
The propaganda theme is literally played as Walker walks out (congrats to that jazzy drumline marching band, that was great). What gives me pause is the "no superpowers" line. Come the fuck on. Even a perfect specimen could not throw that shield and catch it. I cannot believe otherwise.
Sam's got issues with all the "new Captain" posters, and I don't blame him. Then Bucky comes in bitching about giving away the shield. Behind all the "Big 3" and other funny quips, I just loved these two playing off each other. Then there's the jump out of the plane and Sam's teasing. Omg it's the best.
After locating the Flag Smashers and sniping at each other some more, Sam and Bucky get to fight on top of some semi-trucks. The new "bad" super soldiers kick their ass while hauling vaccines. Bucky apparently is not strong enough to pull himself up half the time, while Walker comes in with Hoskins to shoot at least one bad guy and again, no regular guy can do what he does with a shield. There's no other backup (another country maybe, but still weird. Even Cap had back up with SHIELD). Sam gets some awesome use of his wings, but our heroes fail.
Man, Walker talks too much and says very little. Still, that little is the wrong thing. He wants to succeed in his mission, not replacing Steve, but tries to bring on Bucky and Sam by playing up the image of Sam. And that's all this is, him giving into the propaganda machine in a time when that's not enough. Sam's comment on the last line hits it right on the money.
I'll cover all their appearances here. It's obvious this ragtag, global group of revolutionaries with an awesome slogan are trying to do good. All heroes and villains think they are doing the right thing, so we have to have some sympathy for these people who are trying their best. It's a turning point. Are they really the bad guys as they seem to be hunted by even worse guys? Also, Marvel nerd squee on the deep cut "Power Broker" being after them. I will admit I only knew the name and had to look it up, but after I did… big smile.
Bucky decides Sam needs to know some secrets after fighting more super soldiers. Man, this is where this show decided to go for a run. We meet Isaiah, a supersoldier experimented on for decades, the first black super soldier. He's pissed because of the government and Hydra's treatment of him. Also, fun possibility of his grandson being Patriot and leading the Young Avengers. Then we get a standoff with the police being a dick to Sam until they recognize him. All these moments were something I honestly did not expect. Not perfect, but just raising these questions in a Disney Marvel show is kinda amazing.
Bucky gets arrested for skipping his therapy session (dissolving the police scene), and we get a tense but hilarious buddy cop scene. The two of them stare each other down under the watch of Bucky's therapist. Then Bucky lets out a good measure of his character, believing that Sam giving away the shield Steve gave him means that Steve might be wrong about Sam which means Steve might be wrong about Bucky, too. Sam's reaction is understated and perfect, asking if Bucky believes Sam believes Sam did the right thing. It's not Sam's reluctance to take up the mantle, but America's reluctance to see a black Captain America.
We get more of Walker's arrogance here as well, getting Bucky out of jail and off parole. Then he tells them to work with him or "stay out of his way." What happens when our heroes cannot do that.
The ending tease of Zemo drips with menace. But uh, why is he the only one that knows Hydra's secrets? Widow put all of Hydra's files out on the web during the Winter Soldier movie, and Zemo said in Civil War that's how he found out. A little bit of google translate and CTRL+F should help people find whatever they want in those files.
Directed by Sam Weisman, written by Steven Brill, starring Emilio Estevez, some other adults, and a bunch kids plus some more doing their best
Where do you go when the peewee hockey team is the best? Not the fucking Olympics because that trademark is expensive. The Ducks are going to the Junior Goodwill Games to play as Team USA, adding a bunch more kids to their roster to defeat the dreaded Iceland team. Wacky humor is the name of the game in this outing as the main addition is a cowboy hockey player who ropes a kid on the ice. Add in some local Los Angeles color and some capitalist angst for our favorite coach, and you pretty much get the first movie that got drunk and took a ride.
You know you are in for a good time when "D2" gets lasered off the screen with a big metal "ca-chunk" to reveal the first movie's title.
Like the first one, there's a really well done series of scenes showing young Bombay skating with his dad having fun and getting a "remember your home" message, then now Bombay living his dream. Then it all comes crashing down with one injury. Cut to him getting off the bus in the rain, the ultimate sign that "shit's downhill."
Just like the first movie that intros the kids, I love all the kids skating around picking each other up. Stand out goes to Fulton, ruining the day of a bunch of Hawks by ripping their pants off, and talking in a weird deep voice he does not have even now as an adult.
Right away as they begin to form Team USA, Charlie looks down from his high horse and says "shouldn't we be the Ducks?" I get that the thrust of this movie is anti-capitalist, but dude, you're playing in a world-wide tournament. You don't get to be your hometown division nickname. Until the end when you do.
The team has a tutor so they can learn while away from home. She's well acted and nice enough as a role model, but her teaching sucks. She's trying to impart the notion of "people played sports for the glory and pride" but gets the facts all wrong by using ancient Rome/Greece as a template. Those assholes totally had sponsors and sold products.
This is an extension from the first movie, sort of, but don't these kids have families? People back home rooting for them? Even Charlie's mom, Bombay's not a love interest here, is nowhere to be found. Or what about Jesse's dad who in the first movie was all about taking off work to see his kid play? At least we see that Goldberg works at the deli, and they put up a picture of him.
This is my ignorance, but it feels like they wanted this team to be Jamaica. Just saying.
No money for metal in this movie, dammit. Our "Bash Brothers," Fulton and Portman, the enforcers of the crew, are supposed to be the rowdy crazy ones. So when they decide to go to bed and play a little music and begin thrashing around, you would expect some Sabbath or Metallica. Nope. Bachman Turner-Overdrive's "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet." Don't get me wrong, it's a great song with a nice hard guitar on the chorus, but I did not expect it from these two.
Man, Coach Iceland with the hair and the "kill them all" stare is just so cookie cutter villain it made me laugh.
Bombay has been romanced by the money of it all. All the peewee hockey coach money. Yup. I mean, it's probably a good bit of money because kids want to do a lot of dumb shit and hockey is right up there with expenses. Still, a coaching shoe?
OMG Kenan Thompson is a baby in this movie! And does a great job, especially when the team goes to the "streets" and gets some training. Not gonna lie, this series is way more diverse and interesting than I remember.
Poor Adam. First movie he can't play with his friends and gets knocked out by them, and here he gets his arm hurt. For a moment it's played like he will hurt himself more, but then good Bombay comes in and has a moment. And to be honest, it's sweet.
Dude looks like he should be in Die Hard, and then when he's losing in a one-on-one match against Bombay he cheats. Just in case you guys in the cheap seats still thought he was a person with feelings.
We get a scene early on where the new goalie, Julie "The Cat" Lastname asks Bombay for more play time. So she gets it in the last little bit of the game. This should have had more weight and less Goldberg.
Two scenes in the end made me cackle with how clumsy they felt. The rodeo kid says "we're going home" and the film fades to a plane. Then the plane fades to ducks flying. What the fuck was this supposed to be?
Then we get the last scene. With the gang sitting around a campfire and singing Queen's "We are the Champions" and what the hell is this? It's nice. But this is not what these kids have ever done, so it's ultimately confusing.
Directed by Stephen Herek, written by Steven Brill, and starring Emilio Esteves, Lane Smith, a mom, and a bunch of kids who did their best
What do you get when you cross The Karate Kid with Friday Night Lights? If you said The Mighty Ducks, then you read the title of this review. Dickweed lawyer Gordon Bombay (fuck yeah, that's a Minnesota lawyer's name) gets a DUI and is forced to coach peewee hockey's worst team. Along the way, we all learn a little something. Mostly that the 1990s made the best low stakes bad guys, anyone can be redeemed with a little goofy fun, and that ducks fly together. It's darker than you remember.
I swear to god I almost typed "quackstory." I'm infested with ducks. Anyway, I really like this fast exposition style delivery of showing little Gordon failing at hockey and growing up to be lawyer Gordon. It's less than a minute, gets the audience ready to see kids suck at a game, and adds some pathos for Gordon who very quickly becomes a giant donkeybag.
Annnnnd we see him cheat to win a court case and then get pulled over for drunk driving with an open container. Our hero. The guy we're supposed to root for in this movie is a drunk driving asshole. And then they give him control of a bunch of kids. Only in America.
Introing the kids is always fun, because we get to see all their little personalities and how they interact. Not gonna lie, this was kinda funny. Watching a bunch of kids following a dog around after feeding it chili, filling up a purse with the leavings, and then watching as someone picks up the purse and finding the present was just odd. I'm glad kids have phones now, but we used to be creative and have some patience as children. The editing, though, speeding up the film to show a bunch of slow ass kids run faster than a grown man was weak.
So we get Bombay with the kids, having him drive out on the ice in a damn limo to prove he's the cool rich guy. Sure, whatever rich man. Then he decides that these losers can only win if they cheat, so he teaches them to take a dive. When that parent comes in, Jesse's dad I think, and tells him "I lost money from my job because I took off to see my kid cheat…" Whooo, buddy. That's a nice wakeup call.
Fulton, my man. Big and tough, that kid who is a bit of a mystery and has a great shot. Like Rudy in Monster Squad but with less personality. Bombay finally gathering some kids together that can win, a rag-tag group, just great. And Fulton calling Bombay a moron *chef's kiss*. You don't get quality talking back to adults like that anymore.
Bombay's become a decent guy, cares about the kids, might be trying to fuck the mom, and then he gets all snotty with his old coach. Talks shit about his team with sarcasm. Here, though, it does kind of work because the kids overhear him and of course they jump to conclusions and take him at face value. Everyone has always talked shit about them, why not the asshole coach who just started to seem cool?
The joke comes at the end when all the kids are in detention for first fighting each other and then quacking at the principal. Bombay comes to say he's sorry, and the principal says they're all in detention. All of them. Hahaha. But here's the thing: even if they weren't in detention, they were still all in the same class. How is that a thing that's possible when some of these kids are obviously older than others and… you know what, it doesn't matter.
So Bombay got the rich kid Adam to play for the Ducks through some rule trickery. I like how it does give the Ducks a better player and hurts the Hawks by taking him away, but I also like how Bombay might see himself in Adam. How the coach (Lane Smith, the best Southern Minnesotan) might be turning him bad. Then seeing how the system, including Ducksworth, uses kids despite what the rules say. It's a little high and mighty to say the old man did not earn the jersey, but it feels right. Here is the real victory in the movie. The end game, win or lose, Bombay has walked away better and therefore is now a winner by principal.
Of course, they still beat ass for that last game because this is Disney, and there's no way they would Bad News Bears this shit.
Holy shit this moment. Wow. Adam gets knocked cold by his old friend and when asked what he was doing, the kid just says "My job." That's some cold-blooded shit for a pre-teen, man.
Sam and Bucky both lost a friend and five years in the world thanks to an alien madman. Now both are trying to just be regular dudes, you know? Sam is trying to get his family business back together while Bucky plays at therapy and going on dates. This series seems buried in the legacy of Steve Rogers and capitalism. My notes will have more thoughts on it, but the first episode establishes a somber loss in these men's lives, not just of their friend but of the fight. Each of them is looking for peace in their fights and struggling to find it. Bucky still sleeps on the floor while Falcon is not ready to carry the mantle he was given. On the edge of the series is the threat of a terrorist organization, but here we see two men dealing with their shit and finding that hard to do. BTW, my ship name for them is Sucky. Do with that what you will.
I can't list them all because I'm not the Smithsonian, but starting with Sam jumping out of the plane to fight Batroc, even using the same moves as Cap, clearly mirrors the beginning of Winter Soldier. He's the worthy successor to Steve Rogers because he does the same damn things, and these first scenes show that.
Man, I hate a canyon scene in movies. How many have we seen? Independence Day, Star Wars, The Mandalorian, half a dozen more movies show our hero fight a bad guy while dog fighting in a canyon. Why? This would have been a nice call out of the trope. Have Sam just be like "what are they doing?" and fly above the canyon following them until "Oh shit, helicopters" and then he has to dive down. That's called cake and eating it, Marvel. I thought you were good at that.
Sam says they play around with his tech. The US government built these wing suits. Sam had a partner. They are a proven technology. Why doesn't the gov'ment have a dozen Falcons flying around tearing shit up. Or Hydra? Dammit, the Rocketeer told me that's what the Nazi's wanted!
What the fuck is this museum doing with Cap's shield? He was in the Army. Was the American History Museum or the WWII museum full? It makes no sense.
Seems like he's gotten better walking tech. Don't even see those robo-legs as him and Sam walk through the museum. Just saying. (This is me saying that's not Rhodey, that's a Skrull, baby!)
Aw, man, it sucks to see the Buckster dreaming about murdering people while sleeping on the floor. Another call back to Cap acclimating, we get this and a list to show how these men coped with their problems. Bucky gets a side of therapy (good for him) that he argues with and lies to (bad for him) and his list is more Arrow "this is my city" against Hydra people. Let's hope he gets his shit together.
Not gonna lie, I thought this whole thing with the old man and the girl very charming until it got very sad. The relationship with Yori that leads to the date with Leah, all of it was pretty nice. At first I thought Yori was a war veteran, someone Bucky could relate to, but then, well, it's a big bummer that Bucky murdered Yori's son. And he skipped out on the date with Leah (I looked her up, it's not that hard, other reviewers) that was going so well. Never leave a girl hanging with Battleship and Beers, dude. She's a keeper. Unless what the internet wants to be right is right, and then you should just tell her you're gay and have a good friendship. Either way, bad form.
Lot of money issues. Some of it like Sam's, the Snap (I hate calling it the The Blip) dealing a heavy blow to the Wilson family business (catering and fishing? I could not really tell. Looks like they fish and then do plate lunches? Need more info, but I can see how they are struggling if that's all.) Honestly, I don't care except it seems to lead into the next note so I'll stop. Except where the hell is Bucky getting his cash? That's a nice apartment in New York plus his fancy gizmos. Doesn't look like he's working with government contracts.
Plus, I don't have another place to put this so it goes here: Falcon with his community made me smile. You can see how at ease, how confident he can be talking to people he's familiar with. Aside from his sister's and his arguing, that also made me a little sad as I know it's a place he does not fit and will lose. I hope I'm wrong about that.
Sam and Sarah try to get money from the bank through a loan, with all the awkward bullshit this bank dude can give to a celebrity. Next, some enhanced folks with the Flag Smashers are robbing what looks like a bank. Theme? Also, I really like Torres. Danny Ramirez really is doing a good job.
This fucking guy. He's gonna kill somebody, if not himself in that squashed head helmet.