The library asks that you not come any closer lest we close this mother down.

The announcement was written: "The building will be closing for cleaning and will reopen in one hour. Please exit the building. Thank you."

     Well, that's the way it was supposed to read. A few days back in the library and things have changed a little. We close every three hours for an hour of deep cleaning, like the message was supposed to say. 

     Here's what the message said this hour: "Library's closed. Fuck off."

     I mean, it got people's attention. What it lacked in politeness it made up for in directness. Mother's clapped hands over children's ears. Old men looked up from three month old newspapers. Even the little old lady pounding at the keyboard like Beethoven trying to hear the notes stopped and looked around.

     A little backstory might be in order. We opened earlier this week to the public. On the city's website we are in "Phase Beta Orange." No idea what that means other than we have to allow people in the building. Skipped curbside and only had a day to prepare. Small towns often move faster than their politics.

     Fucking nightmare.

     The first patron complained about how we were closed for the pandemic. Even referenced the pandemic. Second patron went right to her favorite computer despite the fact that it was closed due to social distancing directives, ripped off the paper that said "Out of order" and stared at the blank screen for twenty minutes. Dozens of complaints and compliments, a few books thrown to the floor, and not one mask in sight beyond staff. 

     When the first closing for cleaning (or Fresh State as the admin call it) happened, people freaked. Will they be able to come back? Was it because of the lack of masks? Did the virus come back to kill us all?

     The last one came from a small child. Cute as shit but ignorant as a duck in the desert.

     We handled it. The library is full of professionals. We ushered everyone out, said they could come back, and waved from behind the closed door as we locked it shut. One guy on Wednesday tried to put up a fight, but we told him the longer he stayed the longer we would be closed. Then we cut off his computer.

     Today, well, let's just say the reference librarian snapped. It's been a lot of pressure, answering questions from six feet away. Trying to help with computers, unemployment sites, even a cat photoshop competition. Then a man chased him.

     Six feet is not that hard to figure out. Just pull out a tape measure, stick it up your ass, and back the fuck up. Not difficult.

     One man kept coming, though. No idea what the question was, did not get that far, but when he was asked by Ref to step back he did not. He got closer. Asked again, closer. Talked at a normal volume, walking forward. Ref asked him if he wanted someone else, to leave, to please just stay the fuck away. Ref called for backup, but no one could help. The man kept coming.

      Then the hour hit. Ref picked up the phone, dialed the public address, and told the whole library to fuck off. Then he left. He has not come back. We called and called his cell. We reached out through our best sending spells. We even whispered to the back wall for guidance, but nothing. Our reference librarian is gone.

     We shall see Monday what Monday brings.