The Last Dragon and Let's Pretend with story time and snacks
The library summer reading program will start soon. That's as far as we've got. You sons of bitches need to chill the fuck out.
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The library community garden flourishes under the wonderful care of the children from Miss Darkmyer's School for Little Violent Offenders. If you see one of our patient gardeners in their dayglow vests, say hello from at least 12 feet away and no sudden movements.
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Reference has a twenty day window to both eat the thing in the staff refrigerator and take all their sick days before we roll over to next year with PTO and clean the fridge.
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Let's Just Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (2013)
If you haven't read this book, can we call you a friend and lover of anything humorous? There's so much to read I don't have the time not everyone can read everything excusesexcusesexcuses. Also, reading out "excuses" that many times all together made me read it "sex cusses" like "fuck my belly button" which I would not yell but would mean I have listened to the audio book of Let's Just Pretend so now Jenny's voice lives rent free in my brain and it should live in yours. Like a parasite that sees silly shit everywhere. But a parasite that takes silly shit serious because if you don't take the silly shit serious then why would we trust you with library books? Anyway, she makes me laugh, and this book is great.
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Do you like spending money? In this economy? Look, we get it. You don't have to subscribe to the Friends of the Banned Library patreon for $1 a month to help us with the website and pay us for our time. You would also get over a decade of posts and podcast episodes, many have never been released or have been taken down because I'm embarrassed of them. You don't want to pay $1 for my embarrassing nonsense. And you should not. But if you can that would be great because Reference has been on the corner for an hour and only given a few handjobs. patreon.com/bannedlibrary
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Children's strings together the small skulls and tiny bones of the critters that have been found in books over the years. The string reaches far and the bones rattle in the wind. Story Time has been moved this week to 2pm.
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The library offers free coffee at most events. Notice we left out the "gourmet," you snobby piece of swamp trash in pants.
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Ultimate comics (2024-2026) - The fuck is going on? I'm reading on Marvel Unlimited, so my experience is a few months behind everyone who read the print issues. The Maker changes history and gets trapped in a bubble for two years. The heroes of this world struggle to mount a defense/offense against the horrible regime they live under and then the bubble opens. After that it feels like they had too many creators doing too many things with too many characters. It's a fucking mess that somehow I'm enjoying in the way I enjoy closing my eyes on a roller coaster. I'm just enjoying the sensations with none of the control.
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The public library ain't got shit to do with any graduation. Get the fuck out with that high school bullshit.
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The Last Dragon (1985) - Directed by Michael Schultz; Written by Louis Venosta; Starring Taimak, Vanity, Christopher Murney
For a certain segment of the movie watching millenial/Gen X grouping and their kids, this is a stone cold classic. What could go wrong when Motown decides to make a Harlem kung fu movie? Simply approach anyone on the street and ask "Who's the master?" and if they reply "Sho-nuff!" then you have found a soulmate. Of course they could reply "I am" and begin to glow. In that case, you may be in line for an ass whooping depending on how you have presented yourself up to that point. Bonus points if you are wearing a leather samurai outfit and Converse. My love for this movie is like the main romance: it charmed me and was a kind figure at the right time in my life, so I fell hard with stars in my eyes. It's not perfect, but it's perfect to me.
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The library presentation of "The Drunken Bear Finds a Hole" will no longer be held this Tuesday due to it totally not being the Winnie the Pooh movie the children's department thought it was.
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The book display "Voting in the 21st Century" will be taken down and replaced with "Jim Crowe in the 21st Century" to better align with current federal standards.
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Come to the library this Thursday for "Poetry Slamm but with Free Snacks at the Library" because we like to be right upfront with branding.
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The children's department will be once again trying virtual storytime. Instead of cameras, though, we will use the power of words. Come with us:
Hey kids! We're so glad you could come down to the library in your mind today! We are so happy to see the metrics of so many of you!
Who here knows the words to "Don't Eat the Snow Your Daddy Made?" Okay! Sing it now.
That was wonderful. Who knew you all were such good singers? I did because you're all the best. Now we'll read from the Book of Infinite Shadows.
"And the gnashing of teeth will call forth the soulless ones and a shadow shall fall across the great mountain. The mountain shall burn and scream. And the whore will come from the sky and the dragon will wrap her in his embrace."
Ask your parents what that means to them!
Thank you for coming to this library story time. Have a nice day!