Reference is missing a stapler and school is getting out
The library book sale does not contain new books or DVDs. Just the old trash that got broken or unused.
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The library spring cleaning will soon make a brutal turn to summer fire-pitting.
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If you have not signed up for the Summer Reading Program, what the fuck is wrong with you? You get a sticker, you jackass. Maybe an eraser while supplies last.
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As school lets out, you will be looking for the perfect graduation gift for the cap throwing leech in your life. While you are looking, why not become a member of the Friends of the Banned Library on Patreon? For $1 a month, you get access to over a decade of content from current movie reviews to the old post cast back catalog. Plus weekly episodes of the podcast. Patron.com/bannedlibrary because you deserve something while looking for the best graduation gift.
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The library does not have an official cat. That's Roger you have seen. He's a bobcat and he lives under the bookmobile. Do not pet Roger.
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The library still has tax forms for you jerks out there still paying taxes.
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The library cannot give medication but the guy in the alley behind the building does.
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When the Director leaves the library, the staff take turns at the window waiting for them to come back.
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The library does not allow rockets to be launched from the parking lot during the standard business hours.
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The library has not been named after the mayor because "Dipship Banned Library" is not appropriate.
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Reference has once again misplaced the stapler. Or the stapler just grew legs and walked away to the shore to stare at the ocean and contemplate its life. What must it be like to be used every day by dozens of people? Stamped down over and over, pounded like a chestnut on Christmas morning except you have nothing to give inside. You simply join paper and what value is that in a world that is so digital even the elderly stare at screens more than they stare at their grandchildren or partners. The ocean, vast and uncaring, feels like such a good place for a stapler to go and get lost. To never burden anyone again, even itself. They say you never jam in the ocean and if you do you cannot hear the curses. Or someone took it. Either way, if you see it please bring it back. It is labeled "reference desk."
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Mayor Dipshit is not getting a library card with his face on it because the only notable thing he has done is waste tax payer money better than his predecessors.
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The library saw Spider-Man Noir. Pretty good.
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The branch library has a message for the patrons: You will not hear the sound of trees falling when the large one chases you. You will not understand the meaning of the cries of the mother. Too many of you are checking out "Baby Sitter's Club #5: Dawn and the Impossible Three." The empty owl dances for your souls.