Sometimes these newsletters are written while watching M3gan 2.0 again
The library won't remember this tomorrow, so maybe you should write that book recommendation down.
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If you see a librarian in the middle of the day in the liquor store buying whiskey and bags of lemons, maybe keep your "how do you do's" to yourself.
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Reference has a new encyclopedia featuring the best cartoon characters of all time. It's called "The Best Cartoon Characters of All Time." Research takes many corners.
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Next week the library meeting room will be decorated for an event that no one will understand. The calendar will be blocked for an unknown event. The space will remain empty. We hope to not see you there.
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M3gan 2.0 (2025) - Written and Directed by Gerard Johnstone. Starring Allison Williams, Aime Donald, and Violet McGraw
Many icons evolve. Madonna wore a cone bra and then later a cowboy hat. Jason killed people in a sack before getting his hockey mask and later zombification. Ripley ran terrified from a single alien and then got some friends and mowed many down with violent joy. M3gan decided to go the "get some friends and violent joy" route for the sequel, morphing a crazy killer robot doll story into Mission Impossible with body horror. At every point I wanted Ethan Hunt to jump out and karate chop either of the killer robots on display. We have small moments of the previous film's family dynamic drama, but mostly it's just wild insanity as I can only assume the writer/director Johnstone laughed to himself in the middle of the night thinking "I get paid for this." It's fun and stupid. Spoiler: I applaud the casting for picking someone for the villain I did not recognize. It made things more fun when twists did happen.
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Nobody likes to hear the words money related to a library. We all expect free things to remain free. But that's not how the world works. A pound of flesh will be excised from somewhere to keep the great machine going. The Friends of the Banned Library on Patreon will do the dark work of funding the website and the appetites of the librarians. For $1 a month, our Friends receive the entire back catalog of insane dribblings that the rest of you take for granted. The Friends of the Banned Library, if we loved them any more they'd be our worst enemies. patreon.com/bannedlibrary
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The library circulation desk has a return box. Please use the return box. Putting things down in piles is not returning them. Why would you think that's a valid way to return things? Do you go to the doctor and pee on the reception desk for a sample? No, because there are special containers for things. Things like pee and books. Some say that's not a good comparison and yet librarians know the statistics of who reads in the bathroom. And this is not an invitation to pee in the return box, although some of you seem to already have that assumption both outside and inside the library. Like a stupid animal marking its territory before realizing that the cameras can tell who you are Mark Jacobs of 4355 Brillson Street. Yeah, Mark, you pushed us too far this time. We just came on here to ask people to not pile things on the circulation desk because that's how materials don't get checked in but now we're calling out PeeBoy Mark. That's your new name. We changed it in the library computers. Welcome to the future, PeeBoy Mark bitch.
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The library story time will be BYOB for the foreseeable future.
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The children's librarian has a special surprise for you! She's your new mommy. Don't tell your old mommy yet.
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Oral history: The dog in the library
Subject: Jennifer "Jenny" Barber, library aide (former). Recorded 2018 July 11 in the library makerspace as part of the library oral history project sponsored by Swifty's Snowballs and the Lions Club. Transcription created 2026 May 17-19 by ST Harker, current library director.
"I remember the time that dog came in the library. Y'all wanna hear about that?
Sure, so the door got left open. It was a Wednesday I think because Mr. Allen was here. Mr. Allen always came in on Wednesday because he said that's when we had the best papers. Newspapers. But I think he just came in on Wednesday because that's when Debbie works and he's sweet on her. He's a big ole perv but I think Debbie should maybe give him a chance because she's getting over Rob and Rob was a douche-canoe. Do you know he forgot her birthday and when she was like, it was my birthday, Rob said well I'll get you twice next year. Fool, that ain't how it works.
Hell, if my man ever said something like that to me I'd hit him in the head with my number ten skillet. Bong. You'd hear it from here to Tibet, and they'd start prayers twice that day.
Anyway, Mr. Allen was talking to Debbie, and the newspapers had not arrived yet. This was back when we had that man Phillips delivering the newspapers. Or his name was just Philip? I don't know. Let's say Mr. Philip and if he don't like that he can spit cause he died drunk driving into the coffee stand that used to be over in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Used to be because when a 1983 Oldsmobile crashes through a shed with some coffee in it and the powerpole falls into the drunk's lap and lights him up like a house on Christmas they don't tend to rebuild. That was before they moved the Wal-Mart down the highway.
Anyway, the newspaper man Mr. Philips god rest his soul came in and let a dog in the library. We almost never got that little bastard out of here. That's all I have to say."