It's the holidays so we here at the library have been watching lots of holiday movies, but the one that shines by far has been Generic Holiday Movie Cash Grab.

    Random Blonde Lady and Tall Handsome Guy play a couple of characters who just can't seem to get in the holiday spirit. Without spoiling anything, something tragic happened at some point. Lady and Guy then get a visit from an unlikely holiday-themed place. At first, they are put off by the cheer. Will the two of them find it in their hearts to be romantic in the snow and save the thing from not being a thing for the community?

    At the core of Generic Holiday Movie Cash Grab is the romance. Lady and Guy are perfect as the couple smashed together by fate as if they were action figures played with by a hyperactive child. The screenplay guides them through a generic romance plot with a layer of snow and random jingling bells to denote the holidays are here! You'll be hard pressed not to be entertained by the side characters as well, with sarcastic Gay Best Friend and Friend of Color providing commentary and Old Flame Person slinking around for some manufactured drama.

    And don't forget the Little Broken Child. You'll shed a tear as Guy and Lady warm to the Little Broken Child and find the true meaning of the holiday: Fammunity.

    So cuddle up and watch the carefully edited for television breaks plot guide you toward feelings you may or may not feel at a time of year you're pressured to observe because at the darkest, coldest part of the year our species is driven to celebrate our eternal fight against death.

    From our fammunity to yours, have a happy generic holiday and enjoy a movie that still can appeal to religious people despite positing universal values no one can dispute.

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AuthorBanned Library