We get a really good idea about how the world is broken and dark in this third episode of the first season. The kingdom is broke, the Night's Watch is understaffed, and winter is coming as always for the Starks. But hey, Arya makes a friend and Dany's preggo, so hope, right?

    Hahahaha hope.

    Let's start with Ned getting to King's Landing. It's a nice place, very Miami before neon. He's summoned to the castle right off, can't even get dressed, and finds Jamie waiting at the Iron Throne just like so long ago. He meets the Small Council, staffed by old as shit Pycelle, weirdo Varys, Renly who's cool, and Littlefinger who if he lived today would have been a school shooter. They tell Ned that Robert spent all the money and owes about $6 million to everybody. Ned acts like Matt Damon in Rounders, wondering if his old friend is an asshole. Then he learns Robert wants to put on a tournament for him, costing even more money.

    After the meeting Littlefinger is like, hey Ned, wanna see a dead body? Then he points to a corner because there's death everywhere and the two of them go on a walk. There's a goofy as hell scene outside a brothel when Littlefinger says Ned can find his wife in there, Ned almost guts the man, except Catelyn is there. She's showing off her new knife she won from a guy playing "can you kill my son?," a favorite game in Westeros. Littlefinger says the knife was his but he lost it to Tyrion Lannister. Catelyn off!

    There's a few other scenes that happen of note in King's Landing. Arya and Ned have a heartwarming talk where he asks her to not be a shithead, stick with family, and be careful with a sword around Sansa because Sansa is asking for a stabbing. That leads to the end of the episode where we meet Syrio Forel, her dancing teacher. Arya is well on her way to murder boner town and her daddy helped!

    Keeping with the family ties, Cersei also chit chats with Joffrey. Turns out he doesn't know how to people very well. She councils him to be cool, son, and people will follow you. And if they don't, then murder them.

    Up north, Bran's awake. He and Rob have a chit chat and he don't remember shit. That becomes a theme.

    Further up north on the Wall, Jon is having a time. First, he's beating the shit out of everyone and everyone's mad at him. They're calling him Lord Snow because he's acting better than them. Tyrion sets him right, saying they never probably held forks much less swords, and make friends dummy. Jon does and Tyrion pees off the wall, then fucks off south because it looks super cold there and the leader of the Night's Watch asks that Tyrion ask Cersei and the king to send help North. Everyone learns about friendship, except Benjen who just leaves.

    Across the Narrow Sea, Dany has learned to ride good. And by ride I mean ride a horse. And her husband. Sex. She's more confident because of her horse and her lady boner, so when Viserys tells her some shit she tells him to fuck off. Our little khaleesi is growing up. Plus she's pregnant. It is known.

Posted
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesTV Review