It's really hard to keep a group of friends together, you know? You hang out all summer, working hard at that chicken finger job, and when school starts you all pledge to do it again next year. But really, look around. You're all a bunch of dipshits with no honor and your oaths mean nothing, unlike this episode of Game of Thrones where everyone's honor is held high and oaths mean everything.

    Man, the Wall is just a really shitty place to live, huh? Jon thinks so and when he learns his Papa Wolf got his head got, well he's all fuck this noise. Just outside of town, however, his black brothers catch up to him and start yelling the Night's Watch oath. He comes back, shamed, and in the morning Lord Mormont tells him it's all cool. Except it's not, because they're going on a little road trip to fuck up some zombies. Training's done, time to put your big boy pants on, Jon.

    A little lower south at Winterfell, Rickon and Shaggydog are practicing being both the creepiest and most useless characters in the show. Bran has windling lady carry him down to the crypts where he had a dream Ned was. After a little history lesson, Rickon and his direwolf jump out and scare the hell out of everybody. Rickon says he also had a dream about Ned and Shaggydog says grrrrrr. Asha tells them no worries, they're just having the same parental abandonment issues. Then they go upstairs and there's a note that Ned's dead, baby.

    Rolling our way a little further south, things are looking up for the Starks and down for the Lannisters. Rob's so pissed he's attacking trees and his mom tells him to chill. Catelyn then has a chat with Jamie that comes to little. That night, all the north men are like "fuck all this noise" and say that Rob is their king. Chanting ensues.

    Across the way with the Lannisters, Tywin is pissed his favorite son is kidnapped, like Mel Gibson in that movie Ransom. Tywin leans on his other kid, Tyrion, to shoulder the burden of power and go to King's Landing and rule while Tywin gets Jamie back. Tywin just asks that Tyrion not take his prostitute Shae, which he does.

    Speaking of King's Landing, may King Joffrey live forever because he's such a cool dude. Except when he's chopping off bits of singers and showing his bride to be the heads of her friends and family, including her father. After a beating, Sansa almost works up the courage to push Joffrey off a wall but gets stopped by the Hound in a rare moment of tenderness. While all that's happening, Arya gets a haircut and fights off some boys while being taken north with the Night's Watch and a lot of assholes.

    Oh shit, we're going across the sea to some place. I dunno the names of the places in Essos well. It's like, hey we're driving through another shitty small town to get to Pentos or Myrrh. Whatever. Dany wakes up to find her baby dead and her baby daddy an asshole who likes to sit in the sun all day. She kills his ass, giving up hope he's going to come back to her. Then she ties up the witch to his funeral pyre, drops some dragon eggs around his neck, promises everybody she'll burn the world, and walks in the fire. Everybody is shocked the next day when she's chilling, covered in soot and dragon babies.

    Boom. Season 1 over.

    Like I said, this episode was all about honor and oaths. Jon being forced to remember his words. Bran and Rickon left alone with the ghost dreams. The men of the north swearing to Rob. Tywin telling Tyrion he better get to work. Sansa learning to play it cool. Dany promising to burn the world down and living up to it (with the help of the folks that stuck around). Everyone has someone they have owed something to or have promised something to (barring Rickon who is just madness personified). Ending the season on so many promises leads to the best cliffhangers, satisfied the journeys we've been on are somewhat complete yet knowing more is to come. The only stumble is Dany herself, as she completed her story from innocent maiden to confident leader and will have little to do but yell about where her dragons are for the next year or so. Still, she got them dragons!