Shh, We're Hunting Geese

A man with a shotgun over his shoulder and a short sword at his waist walked into the library and right up to the circulation desk. He asked to see the manager. The librarian on duty came and got me from my office, telling me shit might be about to go down.

     "Sir, first off, you can't bring a weapon in the library. Please take those outside," I said.

     "Aw shit. Yeah, well, can you come too?" he said.

     I said I could and followed him to the front door. I'm single, nobody waiting for me to come home, and have lived a good life. I thought about telling the librarian at the desk to tell my mom I loved her, but that seemed overkill.

     Outside, he pointed to a flock of Canadian geese walking around the lawn. The large gray, black, and white creatures pecked at each other and the grass. A few eyed us. They were all adults as far as I could tell but then again I have no idea what a teenage goose looks like.

      He said, "Those yours?"

     "The geese?" I said.

     "Yeah."

     "I don't own any animals."

     "No. Like the library. They in your yard. Y'all takin care of them or something?"

     I thought a moment. As far as I know, I had not entered into any protective agreement with the creatures. I told him no.

     "Okay then," he said. "I'm gonna get one. Mind being backup?"

     "What exactly is happening?"

     "Well, Canadian geese there, those are good eatin. Usually I just get the ones on my property, over out by the lake. Seems they don't come around much anymore. Anyway, they mostly just dumb. You can walk right up to them and get'em quick. One hard swipe." He pulled the short sword from his belt and gave it a swing, right to left. "But they can get mean, and when there's a bunch it's best to use scatter shot."

     "So to get this straight. You're going to walk over there, cut the head off a goose, and if they get mad about it I'm supposed to break it up with the shotgun," I said.

     "That's about the skinny," he said, thrusting out the shotgun.

     "Sir, this is a library."

     "Yeah. But they don't know that."

     "There's kids inside."

     He lowered the shotgun to his side. "So that's a no."

     "I'm pretty sure it's illegal to shoot a weapon in the city limits. Probably some hunting laws, too."

     "You gonna call the sheriff?"

     "Not the sheriff, but city police are right across the street."

     "Oh, shit. Why didn't I think of that? Thank you, library man," and he walked off toward the police station. 

     I watched him go and decided to do paperwork in my office all afternoon. I told the librarian on duty to call me when they heard something. They asked what kind of something, and I said they would know.

     Twenty minutes later children began screaming. A man began hollering. Two shotgun blasts filled the town square. I peaked out to see the man holding a headless bird by the neck, a city police officer holding the shotgun and standing over a bloody pile of feathers. Several geese were fleeing the scene. 

      The librarian on duty knocked on my door.