11. I Had a Bloody Good Time At House Harker (2016) Movie Review: Amazon Reviews Tricked M

Indie movies are fascinating to me. They can be god awful in every respect but if there's heart there, I give them a pass. If I hear they were a plucky youtube upstart, I'll watch with a lot more room on my plate than if they were studio backed. However, I often trust my fellow sheeple out there reviewing things to give me general consensus if movies are good or bad. The pack is often correct. This time not so much.

    Here's the plot: a bunch of guys used to making five minute sketches for the internet strung together a bunch of those sketches into barely feature film length. The Harker brothers, heir to the Dracula-killing Harker dynasty, are trying to raise money to keep their family's house or something. I stopped caring. At some point vampires show up and people die.

    The acting is vaudeville at best and Birdemic at worst. I say that because the only recognizable star is the lady from Birdemic whose name escapes me because she's the lady from Birdemic and I've got brain cancer. The slapstick starts in the front and continues to the end, each actor hamming it up louder than the previous. A straight man among the principle cast would have helped me figure out if these characters were wacky or if the world had melted around me into a looney goo of bloody fart jokes. They did get me a few times with surprise gags that jumped out like cats from dark corners.

    Overall, I feel that the Amazon rating system is flawed. When have the mass of people made such a horrible decision? And in the year 2016, no less?

    I'm referencing the 2016 presidential electoral election of 2016, by the way.

    I don't have brain cancer.