The library phone is for emergencies or really cool prank calls only.

The library asks that if anyone sees ice in the library to let staff know immediately with the loudest voice possible. Ice in our library, on our sidewalks, or on our streets is a cause for concern. Those that ignore the dangers of ice may one day become a victim of ice.

Next Wednesday the library conference room will be unable to be reserved due to melon smashing.

The reference department would like to celebrate teenager James Turner for checking out the most books from the art book section. And the health section. And the older issues of National Geograph… wait a minute.

Have you ever felt like the advertisement you are seeing somewhere on this page is telling you to kill the neighbors and harvest their souls for the army you will lead into armageddon? Well, tell those ads to take a hike by subscribing for $1 a month to the Friends of the Banned Library Patreon: patreon.com/bannedlibrary and see stuff before your friends. Or your infernal enemies.

Children's is not just glitter and story time and empathy. We're also training hand to hand combat. See you at the Spring Survival Reading Program held later this week in the woods down by the crick.

The library is still mad about Spider-Man: One More Day.

The clock above the circulation desk is to remind you of how time is fleeting. How your life washes through your hands as you try to catch it. How a silent ticking began with the start of the universe. How it twists and turns as space wraps around itself and shortens the moments we have with one another. How that small circle with numbers acts as a reminder that we are here, now, becoming more than what we are and losing more than we ever needed as atoms shed and combine, as cells scream into the cosmos of our being, as the number of breaths left in our lives decreases each moment with the same rhythm of your heart. The clock above the circulation desk is also about five minutes slow.

The library will be having a Dawson's Creek marathon in the gereatric section. GNU James Van Der Beek.

Quick review of the 1985 movie Back to the Future: Fucking rocks my socks.

The library recently found a small business operation happening in the woods behind the building. This made us go into the history books about the county to see what other entrepreneurial spirits have found themselves in our area:

1805: Sandy Lesher's Sawmill opens on the Opal River

1806: Boone's Farm Liquor and Stuff opens

1822: The small town gets its first dry goods store, The Dry Goods and Stuff Store

1824: The town gets a wet good store, Johnson's Moist Stuff

1833: A second dry goods store opens, Better and Dryer Goods

1836: Wal-Mart opens

1837: Colonial Timber begins operation and builds railroads to the area

1855: First Trust and Stuff Bank opens

1864: Yankee Candle Store opens downtown

1888: Madam Flerty LaChance opens a small boutique clothing store and boarding house called "Bottoms"

1903: Taco Bell opens out by edge of town

1918: Some English guy tried to open something with the word "crumpet" in the title

1925: Taco Bell opens downtown

1925: The Empire Theater opens downtown

1922: Old Man Motter's Savings and Loan opens

1925: Bailey Bros. Building & Loan Association opens

1925: Lesher's Pool Hall opens

1925: Lesher's Place Behind the Pool Hall opens

1928: Can't Fail Bank opens

1938: Taco Bell opens on Emerson St by the Elementary School

1955: Lou's Cafe opens

1958: Little Peter "Lefty" Lesher opens a lemonade stand on Maple Dr.

1959: Taco Bell opens on Maple Dr next to the lemonade stand

1966: Teenage Lefty Lesher begins a garden operation of "tobacco" called Homegrown

1962: Amway invades, burning homes and leaving products around to be sold at budget prices.

1965: George Jetson arrives in a flying car. Not a business, but it was weird.

1970: The Orange Rope Italian Happy Place opens

1975: Lefty Lesher opens a pharmacy downtown, Lefty's Hometown Drugs

1977: Sbarro Pizza appears

1984: The Highway Market Mall opens around the Sbarro featuring twenty-seven store fronts and a movie theater, The Movie Place and Stuff

1982: The Elegant Garden, a drive-thru Chinese place, is opened

1985: Studio 64 opens downtown

1986: Super Wal-Mart opens

1986: Richard "Right On" Lesher opens a joint law business and tax consultant business downtown, Lesher Pure Snow Associates

1989: Batman and Comics and Stuff opens

1994: Right On Lesher opens an import/export business down by the docks called "Shipping and Nothing Else"

1997: Internet Cafe opens downtown

2002: Beanie Baby Land opens

2005: Downtown revitalization begins with Old Rich Lady Art and Stuff

2006: Ye Olde Booke Shoppe, Cool Stuff and Stuff, Tattoo and Me, Potato Art Factory open downtown

2015: Cafe 80s opens at the former location of Lou's Cafe

2020: Kissing booth opens

2025: Greg's Shooting Gallery opens