The bookmobile has Children's Department programs that may involve glitter. We do not have a "girl that runs shine."

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Oral history from Jane Dodger, 82, of 2234 Oak Lane about the Buff Shine Carwash that stood out on Route 32 going east: "People forget about washing their car ever since Buff's went away. That old carwash was almost the center of town. You'd see everybody there. Like church, only with more yelling about antennas. Ole Mr. Eric, that's the man who owned the place, Eric Glibber, he had a stack of antennas that the automatic machine would cut off. People were supposed to turn off the car and back then the antenna for the radio would lower down in the car cause they were rigid metal. The scrubbers would snap them off, send them flinging across the parking lot if they hit the scrubber right. That's how the Naidu boy lost his eye. Kyle Naidu. He went off in the Army and lied about his glass eye. Got shot at Fort Campbell in Kentucky. Kyle Naidu dead at twenty. I can remember him holding that car antenna at class assemblies answering questions. 'Do you see with that one eye good?' 'Yup.' 'Can you still drive?' 'Yup.' 'You ever play Space Invaders down at the Drinks and Stuff?' 'Naw.' He was a sweet talker. Talked me right out of my panties one time behind the Buff Shine. Lot of kids would wait for Ole Mr. Eric to leave for the day. The moon would rise, and we'd drive behind the Buff and get in the buff. That means naked. Didn't need drinks for that. Not every time. For drinks we'd go out to…" At this point the Ms. Dodger's history moved from the Buff Shine Carwash to the Drinks and Girls and Stuff.

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The library will be hosting a screening of "Humphrey Bogart's Colonoscopy," a new film by local boy F. O. Fuller this Saturday, Feb. 21 at 5pm.

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Thirty years ago this very week, a madman ran rampant through the town killing multiple teenagers. Hidden by a mask and the new technology of "cellular phones," the killer taunted and horrified their victims before dealing them a brutal death. Knives slashed, gunshots rang out, and a garage door slowly raised. Screams echoed from one end of town to the other. Story Time is back every Tuesday and Thursday, 3pm and 5pm.

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Look at those ads on this page provided by the good people at the ad companies worldwide. Smiling faces. Happy products. Do you even see them anymore? Does your mind go numb to the constant barrage of banners and pop-ups that litter the online space like billboards on a Florida highway? Come on in, fresh showers and free HBO, the billboards say. Fireworks all year round. Welcome to the Porn Barn! Only 10 miles to the Porn Barn! Arcade for the kids. Mini-Porn Barn Golf. What were we saying? Oh yeah, join the Friends of the Banned Library on patreon. $1 a month gets all the stuff we do, new stuff early and old stuff right on time. Check it out: patreon.com/bannedlibrary

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A glowing tome in the special collection is either radioactive or infused with unholy light. Either way, don't read it aloud.

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If you talk too long at the reference desk, we will slowly increase the music until you leave.

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Lyrics to the Children's Department song for the Sing-a-long next week cannot be printed due to certain copyright limitations. Let's just say it rhymes with "Duck the Geese" by a little band called NWA for your own reference.

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Another friendly winter reminder to put down salt and have whistles handy in case you see ice near the library. Fuck ice this winter, but don't fuck ice this winter.

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Packing list for the Spring Survival Reading Program:

Two pairs of pants
Two pairs of underwear
Two pairs of socks
Seventeen shirts
Hiking shoes and shoes for the crick
Snake bite kit
Cat bite kit
Naegleria fowleri bite kit
Disposable friend
Three books of at least 200 pages
Toiletries
Ax
.30-06 shells
Jason Statham movie, preferably from the last 10 years
Cigarette lighter
Cigarettes
At least $30 in cash in 1s, 5s, and 10s.
Coins for the ferryman
Sleeping bag
Tent

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The library has a new and exciting…. Fuck it. Free Snacks Program Saturday at noon. Education will be provided.

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The library is reverse Disneyland. We want you to drop dead.

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The library loves the smell of napalm in the morning and hopes he was surrounded by people who loved him near the end. GNU Robert Duvall

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A little story for bedtime you can tell the little ones:

Once upon a time there was a small boy who lived next to a pollution treatment plant. The boy liked to adopt the little animals that crawled from the treatment plant land. He had a little two headed bird named Biscuit. A rabbit with six legs called Tater. Two turtles who were conjoined twins named Bacon and Eggs. One day a news man came by with a camera and ran a story about the boy in the newspaper. The story made the boy famous. Then the boy grew a big bump on his leg the size of a can of corn. Then he died. And the moral of the story is, don't eat animals from a pollution treatment plant.

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Ever wondered how you can give back to your local library? So do we. Start with "Thank you."