Story time this week will be a story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. It's a banger.
The library spam folder is full of spam. The library ham folder is full of ham. Same with the turkey folder and baloney folder and going on down. We categorize all the lunch meat.
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A follow-up to last week's St. Patty's Story Time: Please return all snakes to the library as soon as possible. They were rented.
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On March 20, the earth was brought into equality. Day was night and night was day and none was longer than the other. All things were in balance for a precious moment. Water met fire. Wind met earth. The reference librarian and the tech services librarian were in the same room without swords being drawn. Miracles happened and plants bloomed and the skies opened and cried joy. Let slip the cries of joy! The beginning and the end were one and the ouroboros sighed in contentment. May we now slip toward the bright and the green and the growth of all things until at such a time we welcome the cold and the dark and the death. Story Time everyday at noon, three, and five.
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The reference department wants its stapler back. They won't ask any questions. They'll just go to the back, and if it's on the reference desk when they return then everything will be fine.
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Quick movie review: Scream 7 would have been better if the studio wasn't a bunch of assholes. We didn't see it, a first for the franchise.
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DANGER! If you continue forward you risk the following:
Learning about library programs
Learning about library materials
Learning about library staff
Learning about the Friends of the Banned Library on Patreon. For $1 a month, you get these posts early as well as the full podcast released weekly!
Learning that you are a really cool person.
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Ms. Alfreda Allgood wishes to thank everyone who came to her gardening program in the library flower beds last Tuesday. Ms. Allgood especially would like to thank the teenage dirtbags who gave her seeds for the "dank shit." A good time was had by all.
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Story time this week will be a story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. It's a banger.
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Did you know the library had a bookstore?! Neither did we. Turns out someone has been selling library books from an old van in the alley behind the library. We have taken over that operation after aggressive negotiations by our law firm Smith & Wesson. The bookstore will still be in the same great location, the old van in the alley behind the library, with even better service and less roaches. Come down to the library and see what discounted books you can find. First 1000 customers get as many National Geographic magazines as they want while supplies last.
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Ancient secrets hang between wisps of cobwebs throughout the special collections shelves. We also have a cool turtle skeleton.
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The library pens are coated in a secret chemical that will light on fire if removed from the building. So, no, spontaneous combustion has not been realized just yet.
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Hiring a library page, interview, Candace Lacey:
Librarian: Thank you for meeting with me today.
Candace Lacey: I'm so happy y'all called. Just about bust a fuckin gut.
L: Okay, well, do you have any questions before we begin?
CL: Yeah. Do y'all have all the good books in the back?
L: The good books?
CL: With fuckin and whatnot.
L: I'm sorry. You're interviewing to be a library page?
CL: Can you not tell me? Is it a secret?
L: I meant do you have questions about the interview?
CL: Oh, yeah, sure. I guess you only share the good books when people get hired.
L: Have you ever worked in a library before?
CL: Naw. I mean, I come in here a lot when I was a little girl. My mama would drop me off outside with a sandwich. Sometimes the police took me home.
L: We do have many children in the library. Do you have experience working with children?
CL: Does my husband count?
L (laughs): Not quite.
CL: Oh. Well, he's five years younger than me, so he should. Moved out of his mama's house and into mine. Daddy gave us the trailer on the far end of the lot. I've been trying to get him to pick up his clothes, stop playing video games, leave the dog alone with his poking stick.
L: Poking stick?
CL: It's a stick he pokes stuff with. He's outside with it right now. You can see it if you want.
L: That's okay.
CL: I just wish he'd stop shooting off his guns in the house. If he wasn't hung like a bull I'd kick him out. Course he'd probably just run back to Dinty's house.
L: Dinty?
CL: My cousin. Ladinda Monroe. They were in school together. When they graduate in May, she's gonna go off to Hollywood, but it's mostly because of her chest anybody believes she has any talent at all. I didn't believe her as the plant in that play where the plant eats people. That plant didn't even have tits.
L: What would you say is your most valuable skill?
CL: My personality. I'm a people person.
L: What would you say is a skill you need to work on the most?
CL: My jump shot's for shit.
L: Okay, thank you very much. We will be in touch.
CL: Can I see them books in the back?