The stapler from the reference desk has been found in the shelves where someone was using it to close the pages of history books they disagreed with. Booo to you, asshole.

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The glowing tome has attracted so many followers we are having a special "Glowing Tome Meat and Greet" Friday, April 10th. Please bring ponchos and don't eat grapefruit if you will be close to the stage.

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The circulation desk lives on your tears. Since we went fine free it has been dying.

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The library will be closed for professional development Monday, April 13. The knives don't sharpen themselves.

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Some days you just don't have time to get through all life has to throw at you. Kids need to make it to soccer practice. Spouse has started a new yarn hobby. Your father-in-law might be a serial killer. With all that going on, the Banned Library would love to serve as a distraction. For $1 a month, you can join the Friends of the Banned Library. We have a decade of content, from blogs to podcasts to incoherent gibberish. Truly the ravings of a madman at times. Just like your father-in-law but without the fixation on pilot's eyeballs. patreon.com/bannedlibrary

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The library is aware next week, April 13-17, will be spring break for local schools. We are also aware local businesses ignore this and do not offer childcare options. Just pointing that out.

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Oral history: "Drunken Bear at Holiday Creek" from Chester Corning, 72, of 89 Wellman Road. Mr. Corning is a lifetime county resident, a sales and repair person for the Xenith corporation until retirement. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and one son Brad who is a slap bracelet influencer.

"I was about twenty. This is 1975. Summer. June. Maybe I was twenty-one. Hot summer, not like now with the government lasers. Proper hot. Hot enough you painted your house at night and dammed up the creeks so you could have a nice place to pee. One of those hot summer days you had to dive four feet down to get to cold water and the mosquitos and antflies and leeches would come for your blood. Not a lot of danger from rabbits or snakes cause there were so many cats to eat. Fire and tarnation, every night that summer you could hear the cats going at it. I used to say, if my barn's a knockin, get me my shotgun cause cat's good eating.

"There were some bear warnings, but they were mixed in with all the news about a dozen or so missing hikers and nursing students. You could never tell what was real when there's so much to sift through.

"So me and Jimmy [James] and Kay [Kaynathan Loosmore] Burnette and Teddy [Theodonk] Corman and Vicky [Victoria] Roberts were gathering up rocks to throw at each other. Me and Vicky had been dating a while. I met her at a spring social and got her drunk. The next week, her daddy beat me solid when I brought her home.

"Jennifer, my wife, hates when I tell that story, but she hates drinking.

"Jimmy and Kay were married by that point. Had little Jerry waiting at home. Teddy was there because ever time we left him alone he would burn something. He was a character, but a good man to have along when hiking.

"So we were out at Holiday Creek and had a good arm load of rocks each. We had talked earlier and agreed no throwing at the face. Vicky and Kay and Jimmy and me had talked private, and we figured if we all hit Teddy hard enough he would sleep the afternoon away. That's what we did. Counted to three, I yelled "Turn'em loose," and we took that boy down. Slept like an angel.

"Jimmy and I got the booze from the car and piled it on the sandbar. It was a hot afternoon, so I only got us ten quarts of Heaven Sent Whiskey. We stripped down to swimming clothes and had us an afternoon.

"A little while later, Vicky and I retired behind some bushes to play hide the salami. For a nursing student, Vicky could hide a salami. Took me almost an hour to find it that afternoon. There I was in the bushes, blind drunk, hungry, stomping around yelling 'Dammit, woman, don't eat all the cheese and crackers before I find that salami.'

"Jennifer hates that part, but she hates salami.

"So Jimmy was screaming because there was a bear drinking all our whiskey and eating Teddy. Reminded me of those cartoons of the bear in the red shirt who loves honey, has the stuff all over his paws as he digs in honey jars. Except the red shirt and honey were Teddy's blood and the honey jar was Teddy's mangled torso. No pants, though. That was the same.

"Kay and Jimmy are yelling about something. I forget what they said. Vicky, she was a spitfire. She picked up a log and went at that beast, yelling, 'Go on. Get.' Waving that log like an Amazon warrior. That bear took one look at that beautiful warrior woman and let out a roar that rattled my bones and sent birds flying a mile off. Vicky yelled back, but with one swipe of a thick paw her head was torn from her body. Another nursing student gone in a violent drunken bear attack.

"Jennifer don't mind that part so much. Doesn't like horror movies, but cackles like a mad woman when I describe that bear killing the first love of my life.

"At this point, I saw all the Heavenly Sent Whiskey bottles at the bear's feet when Vicky's head landed among them. I had my pocket knife. I decided right then and there Jimmy and Kay would tuck little Jerry into bed that night.

"Using a stick and some vines, I created a crude spear with my pocket knife. Then I found some flint in the creek bed and used that to start a fire. We used Vicky's log to get some coals going. I sharpened some sticks while the two of them got dressed. A few minutes later I had coffee brewed. Kay and Jimmy accepted my spears and coffee. Fortified, we turned to face the beast who had killed Teddy and Vicky.

"The animal had violently vomited and passed out. We charged and stabbed the creature until no breath could be found. Then we cried a bit from shock, then field stripped the animal, tanned the hide, and dined on bear steak with wild greens before having a quiet funeral. Then we went home. I think I watched an episode of Maude that night."