Dear Vendor from a Company That is Not ReferenceUSA,

by Banned Library in

Dear vendor from a company similar but is not at all ReferenceUSA,

    Nobody wants your shit. Nobody. Not my grandma, not my little brother, not any of the other people I make up to deny you. Not a single person on this material plane or the next.

    Listen, let me break it down for you. Just gonna lay it all about this time and then we can party forever. No later appointments, no checking in after six months, nothing. I want sign off and burn your business card to little ashes and take those ashes out and scatter them to the wind like all dead things going back to the mother earth.

    After this, we're done. You need to understand that.

    Phone books are dead. Just totally dead. Nobody needs to do an advanced search to find the local Pizza Hut. Nobody needs a giant white page database. If you were smart, you'd gotten with one of the successful tech companies and do what they did, like the phone books of old, and sold the shit out of advertisements.

    And yeah, I know, what if someone wants to do localized research. They want to open a shoe business so they have to search all the different stores that sell shoes. Get down and dirty with it.

    I've been working twenty years and one person came to the public library wanting to open a business. He came in, fucked off on your database for an hour after a thorough explanation, and like a smart businessman decided he could not do everything himself. Then he paid a firm who specialized in researching things. I hear his shoe business is booming because he also does not make his own shoes, build his own buildings, or do his accounting. Because he's smart and lives in the twentieth century.

    And yeah, it's true. I'm not a businessperson. I went to library school. I don't know much about looking up business information to qualify the business things or whatever. But I'm also not a farmer and know a load of horseshit when I see it.

    Okay, I've said my bit. That's all. I'm closing this now. I'm serious about burning your card. I'm also deleting your contact information and will bring blinders for your booths at the latest convention.

    In short, fuck off.