Man, where do loyalties lie, amiright? I mean, who can you trust when people have been stabbed in the streets and kidnapped in hotels? Maybe you stick with your baby daddy when he takes you for the home visit? This episode of Westeros Party Ponies shows everyone where they lie while the secrets keep coming.

    We ain't up at the Wall this week, so the farthest north we go is Winterfell. Bran has a new saddle and strapped in can run like the rest of them. Theon and Robb accompany him on a ride, talk about upcoming war, and run off for some game, when uh-oh spaghetti-o some wildlings and Night Watch deserters pop out and grab Bran. A scuffle later and there's a wildling in Winterfell and a lot more graves to dig. Then the whores leave, and Theon is sad.

    Little lower South, Tyrion is really enjoying the accommodations at the Vale. He talks his jailer, Mord, into letting him have an audience with Lyssa. After some silly talk, they all settle on a trial by combat to see if Tyrion is guilty. Bron kicks some knights ass and throws him out the Moon Door. They are off down the road again, a scheme that will probably get them killed.

    Down the King's Road some more in King's Landing and Robert is pissed. So's Cersei, but that's normal, but she didn't deserve Robert's little "love tap." Ned is awake, and Robert wants peace. He's going hunting, and when he gets back he wants Ned to order Tyrion let loose, and Jamie to say he's sorry. Then he fucks off and leaves Ned in charge. Ned tells his daughters to leave the city, then tells some guy named Dondarrion who will never show up again to go kill The Mountain. By the end of the episode, he sherlock's it out that Robert's legitimate blond kids are not his. Nothing bad coming there.

    Since we haven't gone much further south in the show, let's go across the Narrow Sea and that green sea and probably a desert or two to… I don't know how to spell that. Horsetown. Dany is coming into her own, eating a horse heart and slapping down her dumb brother. Viserys does not take kindly to that, tries to steal the dragon eggs, then shakes his sword around the campfire. Drogo decides to drop the microphone and a bunch of gold on the asshole's head and the dragon does not burn.

    All throughout this episode we see loyalty in various forms. Theon offering his service despite not being of House Stark. Bron siding with Tyrion and fighting for him because, well, gold. Robert demanding loyalty from his Hand and his family and his wine. Viserys wanting his crown, bought and paid for, and Dany's loyalty firmly sitting with her husband. It's a tough life watching yourself.