The Worst Library on the Internet

Small Gods by Terry Pratchett

September 19, 2025 by Banned Library in Fiction

One of my favorite authors is Terry Pratchett. That being said, I have not read all his books. I set about to rectify that a few years ago by reading the whole of the Discworld in publication order. As you can see, it's been slow going. Here we are, though, with the thirteenth book in the series, and I vow to finish them all before they finish me. My gods did I enjoy reading this story about religion and a solid case against its organization while allowing for individual faith.

Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale (2025)

September 17, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

I never watched Downton Abbey. Didn't know about the dead Turkish guy, didn't know about the other dead guys, didn't know about the hundreds of weddings and romances and other things going on upstairs or downstairs. I did watch a Youtube recap that was done with the actors, however, but I was not prepared for a season of television to be squashed into a two hour movie.

Iron Man revisited

September 15, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews, Nonfiction

Y'all ever rewatch a movie and suddenly have an insight into what it means? Last night I'm watching Iron Man (2008) for maybe the twelfth time. Never watched it that closely. My surface level take is simple: a funny drunk rich dude realized war ain't good, so he makes a suit of armor to become a hero. I was wrong. Tony Stark is a sad rich dude who felt weak once so he takes it out on the world only becoming a hero when he dies.

Weapons (2025)

September 01, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

My dad asked me one time, I was maybe ten or so, why I never ran away? Odd question that time and now I guess. I had no real answer for him. I was young and had nowhere to go.

A Minecraft Movie (2025)

August 15, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

I stood atop my house and wondered what other lands there were to conquer. My house was five levels, three above ground and two below. The top level was all glass made for observing the blocky terrain twenty plus blocks below. The next level was a bedroom and hangout pad. The bottom level was full of chests that held materials for crafting. The next two levels underground held my crafting bench, more chests, and weapons. Below that was a MINE and that was why I CRAFTED.

Old Guard 2 (2025)

August 13, 2025 by Banned Library

The old guard returns for some reason in this action flick that asks the question: who gives a shit. At the end of this film I made my girlfriend laugh by filling the room with "boos" that can only be brought forth from the saddest of sequel teases. This one made me angry.

Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

August 01, 2025 by Banned Library

The first family trip I remember, we all stuffed ourselves into a 1970s panel van and headed to DisneyWorld. My dad drove the van and coordinated with my uncle over CB radio cause my uncle got lost a lot while at the same time loved pretending to be a trucker.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025)

July 30, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

In 1995 when I was about fourteen years old, April Showers was found dead in the primary school playground.She had been stripped naked and shot execution style in the back of the head. Dennis Mitchell, a second grade student, went to sharpen his pencil and looked out the window and saw the nude dead woman. He's fine.

Superman (2025) is punk goshdarn rock

July 16, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

I'm not gonna say "immigrant" a lot here, but this is totally a movie about how immigrants are the lifeblood of the United States no matter what social media tells you. That's the text.

The United States Will Have an Official Library of Stupid: Thoughts About the Upcoming Presidential Library

June 18, 2025 by Banned Library in Weekly

When George W Bush graduated from president school to become an artist, a lot of us in the library community joked that his official library would be full of all the Crayola doodles of Chaney and dicks. For the current administration, there's less jokes because of all the horrifying and stupid and horrifyingly stupid things the man does on a near constant basis. Thinking about that presidential library, what it will house and where it will be and what it will be a monument to, gives me a sick feeling.

Ballerina (2025) danced into my heart oh no that's a knife

June 16, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews, Weekly

Sliding down to my seat a little late for the film, I forced a mother to move away from her husband to sit by her children. She was in my seat. I was not just breaking up parental date nights at a violent action movie for the fun of it just because. This time.

To the Class of 2025: Fuck all Y'all

June 04, 2025 by Banned Library in Weekly

The following is a transcript of a valedictorian speech given to the Banned Library School of Mad Library Science graduates of 2025 by Jessie Marlborough on May 30, 2025.

Hi everybody, including the dean, The Director, faculty, staff, and my fellow students. Thanks for coming to my graduation.

To the Class of 2025: Don't Forget Your Radiation Suit

June 02, 2025 by Banned Library in Weekly

A transcript of a commencement speech given to the Banned Library School of Mad Library Science graduates of 2025 given by The Director on May 30, 2025.

Thunderbolts* (2025)

May 16, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

Successful Marvel properties (comics, movies, toilet paper, etc) center on the characters. The plot, humor, action, all of it in the best they offer is driven by the characters and their motivations. Since Endgame, Marvel has struggled to pull together compelling characters that propel good plots. Thunderbolts gets the studio back on track, yet much of the meta-story shows they have not learned that much.

Night of the Hunter (1955)

May 14, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

The old Universal horror movies like Wolfman and Creature from the Black Lagoon get more love as trendsetting genre films rather than as quality pictures, but Night of the Hunter homages their stark black and white images with a more horrible creature than they ever could have conceived. A beautiful film that did not get its due back in the day, Night of the Hunter is fucking awesome.

Black Snake Moan (2007)

May 12, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

I saw this movie in the theater when it was released and remembered two things: the chain and the nudity. The rest kinda floated away on a cloud of booze and hundreds of other movies released that year, and it was not a good year for movies. What I did not remember was the musical about trauma and healing that Black Snake Moan becomes.

Southern Comfort (1981)

May 09, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

Having seen that life close up for half my life as well as living in the bayou of Louisiana for a time, Southern Comfort is an accurate depiction of the effectiveness of the National Guard.

Reflecting Skin (1990)

May 07, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

Spending time with people tends to bring out all those little eccentricities, but in the case of Reflecting Skin it brings out all the dark, weird shit swirling beneath.

Mud (2012)

May 05, 2025 by Banned Library

Romance is best left to those that go in with an open heart and an open mind. Close either one and you have a relationship, but one with no passion or no devotion. No trust in the thing you share with another. I'm rambling, but Mud's characters hold love as an absolute that can be dwindled until they realize it is something that can be grown.

Sinners (2025)

May 02, 2025 by Banned Library in Reviews

A deep southern gothic musical vampire movie, Sinners is about how failure and success are thrust up on you by the simple choices you make, even one as simple as letting go or holding on to a guitar. Get a handkerchief to wipe away the sweat of the hot summer sun and turn on some blues while we talk about this titanic film.