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The library wants to remind everyone that playing pranks in the building Wednesday, April 1st, will end in pain and screaming and a permanent ban.

This week’s newsletter contains information about Fool’s Day and Eostre celebrations as well as an itinerary for the Spring Survival Reading Program.

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PostedMarch 30, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsFools Day, bookmobile, stapler, Eoster, Spring Survival Reading
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Story time this week will be a story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. It's a banger.

The library has updates on St. Patrick’s Day, the equinox, various programs, and a sample of a library interview.

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PostedMarch 23, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsSt Patrick's Day, Scream
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The library group chat is mostly memes about things burning.

This week the library talks about Astronomy Now!, a St Patrick’s Day program, voting rights, and much more!

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PostedMarch 16, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsAstronomy Now, St Patrick's Day
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The drive-in will never die

The library reserves the right of trial by combat for damaged books.

The library reserves the right of trial by combat for damaged books.

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PostedMarch 9, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsLast Drive-in, Joe Bob Briggs, fountain, Eoster, Wuthering Heights, colonoscopy
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The bookmobile has Children's Department programs that may involve glitter. We do not have a "girl that runs shine."

The bookmobile has Children's Department programs that may involve glitter. We do not have a "girl that runs shine."

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PostedMarch 2, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagsoral history, bookmobile, Spring Survival Reading
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The library will no longer allow service alligators.

Thoughts and happenings from around the library from February 2026

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PostedFebruary 23, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsGood Luck, Have Fun, and Don't Die, 2026, Gore Verbinski, Matthew Robinson, Sam Rockwell, Juno Temple, Haley Lu Richardson
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The library phone is for emergencies or really cool prank calls only.

Missives from the library

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PostedFebruary 18, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagsphone
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Luke in the Library

Every library where I have worked has Luke Skywalker as a patron. Luke was set up in my first week at each institution. He's checked out display materials, put book club books on hold, and reserved spaces all over the library. Luke is my silent library partner.

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PostedFebruary 16, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsLuke Skywalker
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campfire in darkness

I like watching fire

I like watching fire. There's a comfort to the leaping flames. The sound of crystalline crackles of destruction as wood combusts feels like home to me. It's been that way since I learned to make it.

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PostedFebruary 9, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagsfire, depression
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I Come in Peace (1990) to the Library

The librarian stops Penny Man from doing coke in the library and talks about the movie I Come in Peace

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PostedFebruary 2, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews, Weekly
Tagsi come in peace, Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben, 1990
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At the library We Bury The Dead (2025)

In this dull little anti-zombie tale, we have a woman making her way across Tasmania to find her husband while some of the dead are up and walking around. Why are some of them walking around? Who the fuck knows. All we do know is that drama follows.

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PostedJanuary 19, 2026
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews, Weekly
TagsWe Bury the Dead, Daisy Ridley, Zak Hilditch
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Staple of a Media Diet

Media matters. It shapes our perspective on places and people. Gives us information on topics that might have been forgotten. Stories and music and culture bleed through the spurting noise that humans make everyday to try and communicate with the past, present, and future. People want to be noticed, so they create.

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PostedOctober 3, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagscirculation
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AI Issues

Helping people is difficult. Rewarding at times but often strange as you peer into the face of another human being and wonder what the hell is happening behind that stressed expression. My general rule of thumb after years in reference is to ask "What the hell are you going to do with this information?"

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PostedOctober 1, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsReference Librarian
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Writing Longhand and the Art of Burning

Lotta bullshit going around about AI. Are kids learning to express themselves through writing? Is it helping adult performance at the workplace? Is it worth drinking up the Great Lakes and murdering polar bears to make sure people online can create images of Brad Pitt naked riding a unicorn with Ginger Spice's arms wrapped around his midsection or better they are a conjoined twin centaur bound for eternity in the Forest of Joy after making a beautiful wish at the Butterfly Fountain?

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PostedSeptember 22, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagswriting, longhand
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a bunch of trash that represents the upcoming presidential library

The United States Will Have an Official Library of Stupid: Thoughts About the Upcoming Presidential Library

When George W Bush graduated from president school to become an artist, a lot of us in the library community joked that his official library would be full of all the Crayola doodles of Chaney and dicks. For the current administration, there's less jokes because of all the horrifying and stupid and horrifyingly stupid things the man does on a near constant basis. Thinking about that presidential library, what it will house and where it will be and what it will be a monument to, gives me a sick feeling.

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PostedJune 18, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsDonald Trump, Presidential Library
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Ballerina (2025) danced into my heart oh no that's a knife

Sliding down to my seat a little late for the film, I forced a mother to move away from her husband to sit by her children. She was in my seat. I was not just breaking up parental date nights at a violent action movie for the fun of it just because. This time.

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PostedJune 16, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesReviews, Weekly
TagsBallerina, John Wick, 2025, Len Wiseman, Shay Hatten, Derek Kolstad, Ana de Armas, Keanu Reeves, Ian McShane
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To the Class of 2025: Fuck all Y'all

The following is a transcript of a valedictorian speech given to the Banned Library School of Mad Library Science graduates of 2025 by Jessie Marlborough on May 30, 2025.

Hi everybody, including the dean, The Director, faculty, staff, and my fellow students. Thanks for coming to my graduation.

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PostedJune 4, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagscommencement, valedictorian, LAIbrary
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the back of a graduating class in cap and gown

To the Class of 2025: Don't Forget Your Radiation Suit

A transcript of a commencement speech given to the Banned Library School of Mad Library Science graduates of 2025 given by The Director on May 30, 2025.

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PostedJune 2, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
Tagscommencement, Banned Library School, Mad Library Science, LAIbrary
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Dice on a map

Stacks & Swords at the Library

If you want excitement, come on down to the library's game night where we play a rousing form of copyright-friendly role playing game excitement! Our homebrew game of Stacks & Swords invites teens and adults every month to become a member of the "Bibliotheca Animarum," an ancient library that hunts down books and artifacts that can harm humanity. We go to adventure the last Saturday afternoon of the month!

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PostedMarch 10, 2025
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesWeekly
TagsStacks & Swords
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Hello World

Dave and Nancy found the old computers while going through storage looking for children's costumes. At least, that's what they said they were doing. The two of them often find out of the way places to be alone.

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PostedNovember 25, 2024
AuthorBanned Library
CategoriesFiction, Weekly
TagsNancy, Dave
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